life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....

I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this raunchy disease. My words always help me understand that in this life there will be times that are crappy painful and unexpected but tucked in there are the amazingly wonderful, too. That is when I realized the only control I have over any of this is how I chose to experience them! I realized that I could understand, celebrate can survive even better when I could express these feelings with my own words of courage, humor, and grace. I am the Queen of my own life and the choice is mine!

I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure.

I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"


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Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Yes....scared shitless!

 “Lean into the discomfort” is the professional version of this, but sometimes I need regular people “speak” to really understand the meaning.  Yes I understand what discomfort means, but what I have leaned into is so much bigger, meaner, nastier than discomfort.  Discomfort sounds like I might have a blister from a new pair of shoes, a hang nail or an unexpected (and expensive) car repair.  What life has handed me in the past few years was not discomfort; it has been out and out “scare the shit out of me” stuff.  Heart Attack, not so successful open heart surgery (but had to give it a shot), defibrillator implanted in my chest, and horrendous financial obligations (as a result of all of this, even after insurace!).  However…. what truly scares the crap out of me is my creative work.  What do I do next, will it be good enough, do I have the talent to pull this off, and a new class I have never taught before...teaching 2 classes over the summer,  Holy CRAP!
                                                              Yes I am scared…it just has be worth it.  I am doing it anyway!
(Trying to) Evolve    Ani DiFranco

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