life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Yes....scared shitless!

 “Lean into the discomfort” is the professional version of this, but sometimes I need regular people “speak” to really understand the meaning.  Yes I understand what discomfort means, but what I have leaned into is so much bigger, meaner, nastier than discomfort.  Discomfort sounds like I might have a blister from a new pair of shoes, a hang nail or an unexpected (and expensive) car repair.  What life has handed me in the past few years was not discomfort; it has been out and out “scare the shit out of me” stuff.  Heart Attack, not so successful open heart surgery (but had to give it a shot), defibrillator implanted in my chest, and horrendous financial obligations (as a result of all of this, even after insurace!).  However…. what truly scares the crap out of me is my creative work.  What do I do next, will it be good enough, do I have the talent to pull this off, and a new class I have never taught before...teaching 2 classes over the summer,  Holy CRAP!
                                                              Yes I am scared…it just has be worth it.  I am doing it anyway!
(Trying to) Evolve    Ani DiFranco

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