life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Sunday, June 26, 2016

Her wildest expectations

“What I want is what I've not got,  
And what I need Is all around me. 
Reaching and searching never stop”
Dave Matthews lyrics from “Jimi Thing”

Since the heart thing….I have found that having “no expectations”  is how I survive.  Having no expectations serves me well in creative artistic endeavors, medical tests and outcomes and most especially personal relationships.  Living without any expectations of anything or anyone means I can NOT be disappointed.  Any and every outcome was acceptable because I refused to have any anticipation of how it could or should be.  But there is a fine line between expectation and wanting!  I want lots and lots and lots of things, money, health, loving relationships but expecting they will happen is a different thing.  The constant mantra in my head is, the only things I will ever be able to change are my own feelings.  But maybe…just maybe I could have a wild expectation of myself every now and again.
"Jimi Thing"  Dave Matthews Band

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