life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

No more time to waste....

I have spent the last few years of my life being reminded that I should just wait.  Wait on others to define my goodness, my health, and my love.  All had to be validated by someone else first, to be “real”.   I was taught I had to have the patience for them to decide, decipher tests, or just simply have the time when they were not too busy for me, if I was worth it.  Waiting was an admirable virtue.  I allowed that.  I recognized early on that anything, from anybody is better than nothing at all.  So I learned how to wait. I let it go way beyond simple and necessary sharing and taking turns and it became about earning others approval so I might be good enough to be first. I am not blaming anyone but me, I allowed this!  But…life is happening now I do not have any more time to wait or waste!

"You Get What You Give"  New Radicals
You've got the music in you,  Don't let go
You've got the music in you,  One dance left
This world is gonna pull through,   Don't give up
You've got a reason to live, Can't forget, We only get what we give

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