life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Saturday, June 25, 2016

The sign....




When anything new, different and possibly spectacular appears in my life, so does that chronic negative voice inside my head.  That internal voice has a limited but horribly destructive vocabulary. It begins as a malicious and constant whisper.  "Really, who do you think you are, you are not good enough, they are going to laugh, everyone will know you are a fraud", and the list goes on but it  is always responsible for me backing down, shying away from or just plain never even beginning .  A voice, that only I can hear  begins as a whisper but the more I ignore it the louder it gets.   How much life, work, love have I denied myself because I  succumbed to that heinous voice?  Every time I have moved forward with new work, new life experiences,  new anything, it shows up.  Yet, each time I have moved through it or ignored it,  I have not regretted it …..but still it has the power to stop me dead in my tracks.  Perhaps I should begin seeing that voice as a sign.  A sign that tells me whatever new thing I am bringing into my life or putting out into the world is a good thing.  That voice is just a sign, a sign that this is the right path.
"So Much to Say"  Dave Matthews Band

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