life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Celebrate the Mystery

I apologize for the dirges that seem to drone on and on.  But my survival and healing seem to be a process, I must be still healing. 

This….these words are how I move forward. These words allow me to grieve. These words somehow release the sorrow and give me the courage to smile and move forward with life.  I know in my heart that when so much has gone wrong, it will be the words that hold the answers. 

I write and feel the mystery of my heart beating. Sometimes, it only takes tracing back all of the reasons “why” my heart beats.  Yes, I understand the electrical impulses make it contract but where does that electricity come from? There is only one answer, magic! The only explanation for why it beats, the reason it feels joy and pain, it is all magic. Even when my heart hurts, when it has been bullied and broken, even when those I love, shatter it, even when I do not understand why this happens, I need to find a reason to celebrate the mystery and the magic!  No matter the circumstances… the magic is still with me and all I need to do is celebrate the mystery! The healing will come!
"The Shape of my Heart"  Sting, Josh Brogan, Chris Botti, YoYoMa

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