life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Sunday, August 30, 2015

I am BACK, just not dancing yet......whew!





My heart has defined me for so long I am not sure what I should do now.  What do I do next?  Is this a magnificent new beginning or is it just another chapter in the end of the book.  The healing from this surgery is longer and harder than I could have ever imagined.  And the wait to find out if it is going to work drags on with no clues one way or the other.  

Back to the very beginning of this journey….one day at a time….still celebrating love...I will be dancing soon... regardless of what happens next....I have given it my best shot, given it all I have....Now I live, just live!


"Ooooo Child"  Beth Orton

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

I will be singing.....This is my "Fight Song"

Had my pre-flight check out today, and all of my test results and numbers were spectacular!  Better than they have been in quite some time!  I am thinking my week at the beach was the best thing I could have done!  I am as ready as I can be....although make no mistake, I would rather not be doing this at all....but grateful....so grateful to have this opportunity and happy that it is under the best possible circumstances...
Cross your fingers and sing and dance with me!

Sunday, August 9, 2015

The Best Week EVER!


I have had the most spectacular week with friends and family!  A magnificent reminder of all of the wonderful things I have to be grateful for!  Everyone left yesterday, and I have had the perfect opportunity to connect to my heart and my spirit before this week begins.  I spent yesterday on the beach just at the edge of the water, and let the waves, the fear and the tears wash over me and then wash out to sea....high tide might be a little higher today!  Last night there was an incredible blanket of stars over me, then another spectacular sunrise walk on the beach this morning.  The Universe is telling me I am ready for this!  Tomorrow and Wednesday I will be in the hospital for outpatient testing and then Thursday morning is my most incredible gift ever!  An opportunity to feel a little better and live a little longer.  Open heart surgery begins at 7:30 am on Thursday and so does my chance for a longer, less pain, happier, fuller, more creative, more loving, incredible life!

I have so much to be grateful for,so many people and loves.  I will be fighting like a wild woman to hold on to all of this!