life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Monday, April 29, 2013

Do I have to decide NOW???

It is not hard enough to have one life situation that craves a decision, but several people, circumstances, and life all demanding I decide NOW.  

Who and what is creating all of this pressure to make these decisions? I will freely admit there is a possibility that a good part of it is coming, not from others, but from me. I am the one looking for the clean, simple, easy life, but there appear to be times that life is going to be messy no matter what I do.


What is worth my love, my heart and my life to try harder?  

When is it time to walk away, stand still or move forward?

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Expectations & Reality

Expected a marvelous successful art show but the reality sucked!

There is no other way to describe it. All of the expenses, all of the preparation, combined with all of the physical and emotional investment needed to do an outdoor art festival are no guarantee for success.

Although it would be easier to point out the faults of the show organization, and the many egregious deficiencies that included, little if any marketing, lack of staff involvement, way to many and poor quality crafts and the inclusion of “buy sell” vendors, I must assume the responsibility. I have to step up to the plate and acknowledge my part in the failure and sincerely look for the lessons I need to learn.

First, I have to recognize that I chose to do this show. Years ago, after many failed local shows, I opted to move out of this market. It was a very successful and lucrative decision.  

Unfortunately the fear created by an old difficult experience of being hospitalized while out of town blinded me. I am afraid (and perhaps rightfully so) that it will happen again.  

I expected I could start new by continuing with my same old work, in an area I already knew was not going to work for me. My fear insisted that I stay close to home with work I knew would sell…. 

I failed anyway.

I have the experience and common sense to know better but fear of failure crept into my life and rational thinking disappeared.

I need to look at me realistically, what I can do, where I can do it, honor my life situations and make some big hard decisions about how and where I move forward with my art and my life.

And most of all I need to remember
I cannot move forward by repeating past successes.
I cannot move forward without RISK.


 

 

Saturday, April 13, 2013

and...a fantastic Friday night!

The weekend is not over yet, but has already been full of ups and downs but Friday night was the bomb!

Art show tent set up was dicey at times, with the afternoon winds gusting to 20-25 mph.  A tent with all of that canvas is a square sail without a boat.  We had to keep the thing weighed down all through the "building" process, and those ugly unyielding weights ended up just being more crap to trip on and over! 

However, we gratefully escaped the forecasted rain.  The local news stations (all of them) predicted a 50% chance of heavy thunderstorms.  This is never an ideal situation for an outdoor art show and especially one that opens at night! 

Against all odds, the opening night was dry, calm and beautiful.  The lighted art tents were spectacular, the live jazz was across the lake (ummmm pond) which was great to listen to.  The music traveling over the water produced the most magnificent sound and at perfect volume.

Then I had a spectacular surprise.  A visit from a bevy of my greatest "art girls"  Tory had an early opening at Gallery 1350 West (which explains that "drop dead" gorgeous black dress and heals) and they all came from her gallery opening down to see me.  No way I could ever explain to anyone how excited and tickled I was to see them all!  Skip played bar tender pouring wine behind the tent and we celebrated ART like only we can do in the tent, well after the show officially closed!

Friday night was a phenomenal start to what I had hoped would be a fantastic weekend, but Saturday produced minimal crowds and no sales. I am discouraged but hoping tomorrow is much much better. 

Regardless of what happens next, no one can take away the joy of sharing art, dear friends and a fantastic Friday night!

Thank you all!

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

What the HELL is a spring chicken, anyway?

The last couple of weeks I have become disgustingly aware of the fact that I am just NOT a spring
chicken any more. Just not popping back up after being sick and to add injury to insult, I seem to have brewed up another totally aggravating situation. Whether it is age or HF or a combination there is no question about how much it sucks!  

And just for the record….. What the HELL is a spring chicken, anyway?