life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....

I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this raunchy disease. My words always help me understand that in this life there will be times that are crappy painful and unexpected but tucked in there are the amazingly wonderful, too. That is when I realized the only control I have over any of this is how I chose to experience them! I realized that I could understand, celebrate can survive even better when I could express these feelings with my own words of courage, humor, and grace. I am the Queen of my own life and the choice is mine!

I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure.

I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"



Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Expectations & Reality

Expected a marvelous successful art show but the reality sucked!

There is no other way to describe it. All of the expenses, all of the preparation, combined with all of the physical and emotional investment needed to do an outdoor art festival are no guarantee for success.

Although it would be easier to point out the faults of the show organization, and the many egregious deficiencies that included, little if any marketing, lack of staff involvement, way to many and poor quality crafts and the inclusion of “buy sell” vendors, I must assume the responsibility. I have to step up to the plate and acknowledge my part in the failure and sincerely look for the lessons I need to learn.

First, I have to recognize that I chose to do this show. Years ago, after many failed local shows, I opted to move out of this market. It was a very successful and lucrative decision.  

Unfortunately the fear created by an old difficult experience of being hospitalized while out of town blinded me. I am afraid (and perhaps rightfully so) that it will happen again.  

I expected I could start new by continuing with my same old work, in an area I already knew was not going to work for me. My fear insisted that I stay close to home with work I knew would sell…. 

I failed anyway.

I have the experience and common sense to know better but fear of failure crept into my life and rational thinking disappeared.

I need to look at me realistically, what I can do, where I can do it, honor my life situations and make some big hard decisions about how and where I move forward with my art and my life.

And most of all I need to remember
I cannot move forward by repeating past successes.
I cannot move forward without RISK.



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