life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings
Don't Talk Like That...
I write to find out what my heart thinks.... I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say "Don't talk like that!"
Saturday, March 1, 2014
This is my first self-portrait, done in a workshop by Derek Gores whose style is unmistakable. Seems like all artists at one time or another are compelled to do a self-portrait, and I never have until recently. There seemed to be a need that welled up in me to explore me. Not so much how I looked, but more about how I feel. The age, the wrinkles and thousands of words are all there, but what I wanted to see, what I want you to see is the determination in my eyes. Determined to live the most full amazing life that is possible with the time I have. The first time I recognized that determined spark was in a photo taken by my friend and phenomenal photographer as well as a creative in her own right, Dale Fox, five months after my heart attack. I had cut all of my long red hair so I could take care of it myself, and still somewhat embarrassed I was wearing a red bandana. The day before I had been identified by the one of the top high-risk thoracic surgeons as a bad surgical risk and rejected as a surgical candidate. I had nowhere to turn. And although I can see the profound sadness in my face, I can also see the determination in my eyes. My eyes will always tell the truth, I am determined, and that is what I wanted you to see. What I am looking for is my passion, connection, excitement and fearlessness!
"If" Bread looking back now...is ther some divine reason that I end up in Leesburg to create my first self portrait?