So, here is this: wherever I am in my life, whatever path I am currently on: I write.
I write to leave my future self some messages. I write to give myself a path to my heart. I write to figure out the lessons of the universe. I write to say the things I am afraid to say out loud that might hurt someone's feelings, sound silly or is just something that over the years I have learned is not proper to talk about in public.
I am working so hard to smile and appear to be “over it” while my life is still shifting and changing. It feels like standing at the beach. Right at the edge where the waves recede and wash the sand from under my feet. The first few waves you feel the sand slipping away. Then all of the sudden I have to step forward, backwards, or sideways so I do not lose my balance and fall down. As I shift away from the intensity of the early days, I often feel as though I am failing. I just do not know which way to step first. I feel like I have to re-enter the minutiae of life and I am failing.
So I write to leave myself a map, or develop a plan, reminding myself of what did not work, and explore what might work, because in the end, I just really don’t know.
"Arms Around my Life" Janis Ian