life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Sunday, June 19, 2016

Pull 'em up!

….it is time to pull 'em up!
I began gutting the studio last week, mostly in an effort to stay busy, stave off depression, redirect my heart and my mind and to keep myself out of trouble.   The studio is still in the stages of being dismantled and put back together, not just the front part of the studio but the back room too, where years of picture framing took place.  A room that has been largely ignored as it also became the home for all of those things that I did not know what else to do with, but could not let go of. I began thinking it was time to get rid of it all, the molding, the equipment, the tools and the stuff. Time for me to let go of all evidence of my past, I wanted to let go of who I was and what I did.  But looking back, I suspect, this cleaning and pitching may have been outward visible expressions of my inward overwhelming emotional feelings of loss.  I am learning that I am not ready to let go of all of the good things and the lessons that are born of the grief from my past and my life experiences, both good and bad. I am taking it all apart, my studio and my life, examining it, cleaning or re-purposing the parts that are worth keeping and pitching those things that are broken, hurtful and just do not work for me anymore.

Time to truly celebrate all that I am, all that I have, all of the amazing people in my life, and the boundless creativity and love that is here for me now.  Time to put on and pull up my positive pants!
"Never Too Late"  Micheal Franti


Stay tuned there will be more panty reports.....I have a lot to learn!

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