life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Thursday, June 2, 2016

I have no idea what comes next....

What I difference a day makes.  Yesterday I was scared but optimistic, today is realistic, hurt and overwhelmed. I have been exposed to things that I suspect most will never ever have to experience in their lives.  In every sense of the word I have had to take on more than I thought was possible.  In some ways I understand it has made me much stronger than most, but on the other hand my heart and my love are being destroyed in the process.  How much of this have I brought on myself, how much can I change?  I know I cannot change others, the change has to be mine. The next question is what and how?  I have no idea what comes next I just know that I can no longer do this.
"All That We Let In"  Indigo Girls

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