life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Thursday, June 2, 2016

I have no idea what comes next....

What I difference a day makes.  Yesterday I was scared but optimistic, today is realistic, hurt and overwhelmed. I have been exposed to things that I suspect most will never ever have to experience in their lives.  In every sense of the word I have had to take on more than I thought was possible.  In some ways I understand it has made me much stronger than most, but on the other hand my heart and my love are being destroyed in the process.  How much of this have I brought on myself, how much can I change?  I know I cannot change others, the change has to be mine. The next question is what and how?  I have no idea what comes next I just know that I can no longer do this.
"All That We Let In"  Indigo Girls

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