life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Friday, June 17, 2016

Just Let Go.....

Last week out of a sheer need to move…to not sit and stew in grief…I began cleaning the studio.  Instead of the relief I was looking for I found that every box and shelf I went through held evidence of my old life, a life I have been unable to let go of.   Not willing to confront my physical abilities, and my emotional inability to admit to myself that this part of my life is over I have hung on to stuff.  I have tried to convince myself that the day is coming that I will be able to function like I used to, that I will be able to take my old life back.  I CAN’T.  The past is gone and I cannot move into what the next part of my life holds for me until I let go. Until I am able to let go of all of the stuff both good and bad from my past I will not be able to move forward. So much harder than I thought it would be.

         "The Story of My Life"  Matthew West

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