life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Friday, June 17, 2016

Just Let Go.....

Last week out of a sheer need to move…to not sit and stew in grief…I began cleaning the studio.  Instead of the relief I was looking for I found that every box and shelf I went through held evidence of my old life, a life I have been unable to let go of.   Not willing to confront my physical abilities, and my emotional inability to admit to myself that this part of my life is over I have hung on to stuff.  I have tried to convince myself that the day is coming that I will be able to function like I used to, that I will be able to take my old life back.  I CAN’T.  The past is gone and I cannot move into what the next part of my life holds for me until I let go. Until I am able to let go of all of the stuff both good and bad from my past I will not be able to move forward. So much harder than I thought it would be.

         "The Story of My Life"  Matthew West

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