Today was the first test, an echo-cardiogram, to find out whether or not “it took”, (a holy crap...open heart surgery, that is). So here is the thing…I have had at least a dozen echos…I know how they work, and typically I can schmooze the tech into giving me at least a hint about what is going on. Most of the time when they realize that this is not an initial diagnosis and I ask a very specific question, I can get a thumbs up or a nod of approval, or an acknowledgement to a specific question.
That is NOT what I got this morning. She was a tough cookie. I worked my charm every way I knew how and could not get one tid-bit of info about what my heart was doing….Damn it. I am going to have to be patient and I am so bad at it!
Maybe it is better that I not know before I leave for my youngest son’s wedding on board a cruise ship, if it is not good news it might spoil the trip, besides I do blissfully ignorant so well! The most important thing is that, this only has 3 possible results…it stayed the same (and I am no worse off than when I started, although I have a lot less money, and some big honking scars), I have gotten some heart function back, enough to implant an ICD, or I have gotten so much heart function back that I will not need an ICD at all. Any of these 3 possible outcomes will be what they will be and I will be fine regardless of which one it is. This is the best attitude I can muster up while waiting.. Patience is not my strong suit!
"Hold on my Heart" Genesis