life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Thursday, October 29, 2015

Frankenstein has nothing on me!

Frankenstein has nothing on me!  At the risk of sounding morbid and gross…but it is Halloween week after all!  I have got me some scars….9 kidney surgeries, 2 C-sections, 1 thyroid, a several skin cancers and now open heart.  That last one left me several fresh new ones and another surgery being scheduled soon. But then I suspect in today's world and at my age, who doesn’t?  Quite frankly for me, they are embarrassing and a constant reminder of how fragile my body and this life can be….and  that is when the fear begins to slip in.  I forget to remember how strong I have been, how many unsurmountable (and a few weenie) health issues I have overcome, and I slip into the ugly downward spiral of “what if’s”.  What if it happens again, what if they did not get it all, what if it did not work, what if….what if….what if…  I need to remember that those ugly scars are nothing but symbols I carry.   They have made me who I am….Strong!
"Beautiful"    Carol King

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