life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Friday, October 2, 2015

Back in the Saddle!

I am not certain that there are words that would ever be able to express the struggle the emotion and the sheer determination it takes to survive heart failure and then go through open heart surgery with no guarantee it will work.  I cannot count how many times I was sure this surgery was the biggest friggin’ mistake of my life, nothing and I mean nothing has hurt as bad or as long as this did.  (and I have had 2 kids and 7 kidney stones, I know what hurt is!)…..But today….oh boy finally today I took my life back, I put my big girl panties on and drove myself to Leesburg, took part in an art grant review meeting, then had another meeting about curating an exhibition.  (and drove myself home) 

Today is the first day in a very long time I felt like I am taking my life back.  My heart is still struggling and there are lots more hurdles I have to jump, but it feels spectacular to be back in the saddle again!  Woo-hoo!

"Get Back"  The Beatles

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