Patience has never been my strong suit, so I have to confess it is agony waiting and wondering if this surgery worked, if that hibernating part of my heart is “waking” up with new blood flow. Testing has started, more is scheduled, they are dragging it out with weeks in between them and still they do not tell me what my heart is doing. I am a full believer in “no news is good news”, however, in this case I am beginning to think it is not so. That reality that I never allowed myself to consider, is slipping into my consciousness. I pinch myself and remember, I had nothing to lose. This was a long shot from the beginning, and the absolute worst case scenario would be I am no better off than when I started, and I had learned how to live and accept that quite some time ago. Those were the cards I was dealt, I made the bet and I know for every winner there has to be a loser. I wish I knew which one I was or maybe it is just still too soon.
"Closer to Fine" The Indigo Girls