life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....

I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this raunchy disease. My words always help me understand that in this life there will be times that are crappy painful and unexpected but tucked in there are the amazingly wonderful, too. That is when I realized the only control I have over any of this is how I chose to experience them! I realized that I could understand, celebrate can survive even better when I could express these feelings with my own words of courage, humor, and grace. I am the Queen of my own life and the choice is mine!

I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure.

I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"



Friday, October 23, 2015

Maybe, it is just still too soon...

Patience has never been my strong suit, so I have to confess it is agony waiting and wondering if this surgery worked, if that hibernating part of my heart is “waking” up with new blood flow.  Testing has started, more is scheduled, they are dragging it out with weeks in between them and still they do not tell me what my heart is doing. I am a full believer in “no news is good news”, however, in this case I am beginning to think it is not so.  That reality that I never allowed myself to consider, is slipping into my consciousness.  I pinch myself and remember, I had nothing to lose.  This was a long shot from the beginning, and the absolute worst case scenario would be I am no better off than when I started, and I had learned how to live and accept that quite some time ago.  Those were the cards I was dealt, I made the bet and I know for every winner there has to be a loser.  I wish I knew which one I was or maybe it is just still too soon.

"Closer to Fine"  The Indigo Girls

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