life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Sunday, October 4, 2015

it does not mean I have stopped caring....

Whew…that one just shot through me like a bullet!  I have been struggling so much with this one recently.  The only difference I would like to add, and I hope Mandy Hale will forgive me, is to include “expecting” care.  I have had a life time of wanting to be cared for, and when it does not happen, I am the on that feels so worthless.  I have tried to “force” care, I have begged for care, but that does not work either.  I thought the recent heart crisis would change things, but it has only made it worse.  I am letting go….I am letting go of this pain, but it does not mean I have stopped caring.  It means I have stopped letting it hurt me. It means I will care for me.
"You're the Only One in Your Way"  Cloud Cult

"…and by that I mean…If you believe that you are a child of the universe, or a product of Love, and/or a global citizen, then it’s common sense that you care well for yourself. In fact, you’re honour bound to love yourself.
And like, self care as a divine responsibility is more than a monthly pedicure or treating yourself to your favourite pint on Fridays (though both are fab’.) But let’s think more highly of our cosmic selves. Self care is taking the time to recover. It’s sabbaticals to clear your head and chart your course. It’s leaving. It’s investing. It’s asking for more. It’s being protective and tender and limitlessly compassionate with yourself.
Treat yourself like the divine creature that you are…
and then get a pedicure and have a pint."                                        ~Danielle LaPorte                                                   

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