life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Happy Happy Heart Day...I think?


I missed the actual happy heart day, yesterday because of the cruise, so it is a belated celebration.  I always celebrate my heart attack anniversaries by painting my chest but I am not absolutely sure this year is a serious celebration yet, so I only painted it is a small happy heart this year, When I know for sure there will be big big happy heart painting!   Every year on my heart attack day I celebrate and thank my amazing heart that continues to support me in ways that even the doctors find hard to believe.  This year is a bit different, this year my heart was unable to support me like it had in years past, but this year they found some “hibernating” heart tissue and did open heart surgery to try to get it to work again.  8 weeks later, I am still being tested, more tests scheduled, still waiting to find out if it “took”.  The scar is healing, but we still do not know if my heart is healing…Happy Heart Day, my amazing heart….I know you can do it…I believe in you, I believe in me!
"Heart of Gold"  Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young
First year...I was too afraid and did not yet believe how much control I had over this.....Not the doctors....not the medicines.....me!  2nd year- but my first painted chest.Super Heart!  3rd year- Big Ole' Happy Heart.  4th year Ejection Fraction stayed at 30...30 Hearts Celebration and this year the  5th Little but tough! My heart has been through so much and still we take care of each other!

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