life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Monday, November 28, 2016

Unlearning....

….it is not difficult to see my grown children repeat the past. I was raised in a generation that women were expected to find all of their joy in producing and caring for children, husbands and home.  If you wanted to work (or God forbid….had too) there would be no help from husbands, physical or emotional.  Our parents came from the same warped set of values....we repeated it. Now, I clearly see the next generation doing the same, setting them up for inevitable failure. Unable to acknowledge how much damage living a life according to other people’s expectation created, the problem goes on unrecognized, and no steps are taken to repair the emotional damage, the misery and the hurt moves from generation to generation.

It has taken years for me to recognize that I did not need to feel guilty for not being the same kind of “good mother” or how difficult it was to parent the way everyone else did. But I did, And when I see them repeat the same behaviors… that I was afraid to speak up for myself for fear I would lose their love, I realize how much of a failure I was….and for that I am sorry.
"Reflections" Diana Ross

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