life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....

I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this raunchy disease. My words always help me understand that in this life there will be times that are crappy painful and unexpected but tucked in there are the amazingly wonderful, too. That is when I realized the only control I have over any of this is how I chose to experience them! I realized that I could understand, celebrate can survive even better when I could express these feelings with my own words of courage, humor, and grace. I am the Queen of my own life and the choice is mine!

I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure.

I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"


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Monday, November 28, 2016

Unlearning....

….it is not difficult to see my grown children repeat the past. I was raised in a generation that women were expected to find all of their joy in producing and caring for children, husbands and home.  If you wanted to work (or God forbid….had too) there would be no help from husbands, physical or emotional.  Our parents came from the same warped set of values....we repeated it. Now, I clearly see the next generation doing the same, setting them up for inevitable failure. Unable to acknowledge how much damage living a life according to other people’s expectation created, the problem goes on unrecognized, and no steps are taken to repair the emotional damage, the misery and the hurt moves from generation to generation.

It has taken years for me to recognize that I did not need to feel guilty for not being the same kind of “good mother” or how difficult it was to parent the way everyone else did. But I did, And when I see them repeat the same behaviors… that I was afraid to speak up for myself for fear I would lose their love, I realize how much of a failure I was….and for that I am sorry.
"Reflections" Diana Ross

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