life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Tuesday, November 8, 2016

brilliance emanates....

For a while I allowed myself to believe that if I was strong enough, smart enough, positive enough and focused enough that I could beat this.  If I did everything they told me to do,  focused all of my resources, had all of the invasive tests, took the meds (even the ones that make me tired and lethargic), had open heart surgery, survived the unplanned TIA and kidney shut down, let them implant an S-ICD in my body to prevent sudden cardiac death I could fight the good fight and with all of these medical procedures, resources and my determination I could win. I could win!  I have fought tooth and toe-nail, and spent the better part of this past year devoting all of the financial, emotional, physical and medical resources at my disposal and the reality is….I am not winning.  I am asking myself now… how much more of my precious life am I going to spend in the negative mind set of fighting an unwinnable war. This is my time…time to refocus all of my beautiful energy and my available finances into loving, playing, creating, learning, teaching…..Not more destructive fighting!  This is not giving up….This is empowering …..it is claiming life…. the best life I can have ….. every single amazing love filled moment of it! From the voice in my heart brilliance emanates...I know it is time for me to live!
"Connected"  Eric Bibb

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