life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings
Don't Talk Like That...
I write to find out what my heart thinks.... I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say "Don't talk like that!"
Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...
Tuesday, November 15, 2016
a new capacity....
Yep…this one popped up again…. clearly I need more work….
Transformations are hard!
Different is incredibly uncomfortable! And the capacity to find a new
comfortable is emotionally wrenching!
The first inclination is always to run back to the place where it was
comfortable, happy, and heart filling, but the unforgiving reality is that
those are the exact set of circumstances that created or they were critical in
hiding the real problems. Now, I think I can go back, but I cannot go back
with the same set of “eyes” that refused to see. I cannot discount my own heart and emotions in
an effort to be the good agreeable one.
This time I have to see all sides of the relationships I am considering,
beginning, ending, keeping, or continuing.
I am falling, nope I am being shoved into something
different and I hope it will bring me a wonderful new capacity to be beautiful.