life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Sunday, November 6, 2016


Even if it is not going to be alright!  I know I spend a great deal of time alone, and to be perfectly honest it is easier to be alone than to be around others that are uncomfortable with the situation I am in.  I want you to know, I understand why you are uncomfortable, hell….I am too.  I bounce unpredictably between needing to talk about it and wanting to ignore it.  I am not certain from day to day if I want empathetic understanding or a swift kick in the pants and a full glass….(or bottle)  of chilled wine. It is a horrible see-saw of ups and downs!  
Sometimes I just want to know I am alright.
"Distance"  Christina Perri

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