The cardiologist ripped into me this week. Her words exactly….”you are not taking this seriously” …. “Denial”…. “When are you going to understand, this is your life?”…”Does your family know how sick you are?”
Are you fucking kidding me? What on earth makes her think I do not get this! I asked her to tell me how she thinks I am going to die, then I will consider her way of how I should live (why should I take medications that make me sick…surgeries…etc…etc…) Her answer was, "everyone dies differently, “I cannot tell you that.” So “Why is it so hard for her to understand that I want to LIVE it differently?”
I really did not know how I am going to die, and perhaps it was unfair to make such a definitive statement. Then I found this book in the second hand book store. It turthfully, clearly, frankly, told me what I can most likely expect (well actually, it is what all of us can expect) but NO ONE, especially the doctors want to talk about it.
When this day comes, (and it is not here yet!) it is going to be ugly...it is going to hurt but I will be able to do it better, knowing I have had the best, truly fun, with incredible outrageous experiences, marvelously full life I could possibly have had.
And I cannot do that if I am sick and scared all of time!
"Strip Me" Natasha Bedingfieild