life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Saturday, September 6, 2014


I know this sounds so ugly, but one of the most amazing things I am learning is that I get to choose who and what I love and or care about. Yes there are rules to some of this.

Rule……There are people that you must love….. parents, spouses, children, siblings, friends. I suspect there will come a time in everyone’s life when we question each of these relationships and wonder how much love has to do with it and how much of it is just following the rules.

Are we listening to our own hearts or the rules someone else made up?

Quietly figuring out the people and things that I love, that I want to spend my precious time with and breaking the rule. I do not want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but for the first time in my life I am learning that I do not have to “engage”
in their drama, maybe some think it is because
“i don’t give a fuck”, and maybe
that is what you will call it,
but it truly is a super-power that brings so much peace.

""   Paolo Nutini

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