life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Tuesday, September 23, 2014


Here is what I am up against, a medical industry that has set tests, treatments and procedures, if you fall outside the norm or the medicines fail to produce the results they want, they will keep pushing until you are mashed and forced into their “management” box.  If your body does not perform according to their expectations, then I am wrong.
Heads dug into pages of test results, not once do they ask,
How are you feeling? 
What do you want the rest of your life to look like? 
What do you want to accomplish with this life?
I am forced to fit their protocol. To stay alive as long as possible it does not matter to them what “alive” is to me, the definition of alive for the medical industry is breathing (and even that is questionable).   I want to live now.

….and I so am tired of trying to get someone to hear me.
"Living in the Moment"  Jason Mraz

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