life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

How Will I know?

At the risk of sounding melodramatic, which may be an interesting side effect of being an artist, but again at that risk…once you find out you have a chronic terminal disease things change. Not at first, this takes a while, and believe me there is no one there to usher you through the process, no books on the self-help aisles either!
So this quote, (that did not have a source) makes as much sense to me as anything I have figured out for myself.  Seems to boil down to a few  simple words…love-live-let go. 
When I realized my time was limited, and after I finished licking my emotional wounds, I began running after life and love…coming at it from every direction, making and executing bucket lists, embracing and creating every new feeling, cramming in as much as I possibly could while I still feel well enough to do it. 
What I have struggled with is “letting go”.  How do I know what is or is not meant for me. Every cliché’ insured me that  growth and learning demand some discomfort, moving outside of my comfort zone and no pain-no gain.

How will I know what to let go of and when? 


"I'm a Mess" Ed Sheeran

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