life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

How Will I know?

At the risk of sounding melodramatic, which may be an interesting side effect of being an artist, but again at that risk…once you find out you have a chronic terminal disease things change. Not at first, this takes a while, and believe me there is no one there to usher you through the process, no books on the self-help aisles either!
So this quote, (that did not have a source) makes as much sense to me as anything I have figured out for myself.  Seems to boil down to a few  simple words…love-live-let go. 
When I realized my time was limited, and after I finished licking my emotional wounds, I began running after life and love…coming at it from every direction, making and executing bucket lists, embracing and creating every new feeling, cramming in as much as I possibly could while I still feel well enough to do it. 
What I have struggled with is “letting go”.  How do I know what is or is not meant for me. Every cliché’ insured me that  growth and learning demand some discomfort, moving outside of my comfort zone and no pain-no gain.

How will I know what to let go of and when? 

"I'm a Mess" Ed Sheeran

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