I suspect Frida knew.
She may be one of the few (artists) that knows how frustrating it is to
have a body that keeps you from doing some of the things you want to do. She has become one of my guiding lights. I do not think anyone has ever accused her of
undermining her own life by always doing what she loved and wanted to do.
Although she struggled she always did her
way, and to the best of my knowledge …never regretted it.
"If it Makes You Happy" Sheryl Crow
Lessons to Learn from Frida Kahlo
by Elyane Youssef
Frida Kahlo was a Mexican painter, who is best known for her self-portraits.
The ones who personally knew her, described her as “one of history’s grand divas, a tequila heavy drinker, dirty joke-telling smoker, a bohemian who threw festive dinner parties for the likes of Leon Trotsky, poet Pablo Neruda and her husband, muralist Diego Rivera.”
If I were to introduce her, I would say she is an icon of strength, a victim of love and a genius in art. Frida Kahlo changed the standards of beauty with her unibrow, her right leg—that was thinner than the left one and her indigenous Tehuana dresses.
Being my great inspiration in life, I regard Frida Kahlo as a school of lessons. She should be the role model of every woman because she indirectly showed the world what a woman is capable of, both physically and emotionally.
After many years of admiration for Frida Kahlo, I can finally put on paper what this woman taught me:
Love is forgiveness. “I had two big accidents in my life: The trolley and Diego; Diego is by far the worse.” ~ Frida Kahlo
Frida was the wife of Diego Rivera, the muralist who was best known for his endless love affairs with women. He was a womanizer who had serious problems with infidelity.
Although none of Frida’s friends nor parents approved of this awkward union, Frida still married Diego. She kept on loving him despite all the pain he caused her.
Frida teaches us that love is forgiveness.
She might not have said it out loud, but staying with him throughout her life, shows us that she did forgive him every time he cheated on her.
Love is unexplainable. “…the marriage of Frida and Diego is like the union between an elephant and a dove.”
Whenever I have a discussion about Frida’s life with someone, I always get the same question: “Why did she love him?”
Frida loved Diego for reasons no one understood. Sometimes people think we fall for the wrong person, but in our own eyes, they’re always right for us. Diego was 42-years-old and 300 pounds while Frida was 22 and 98 pounds. He cheated on her, had little time for her and yet she loved him.
If each one of us looks back at our own experiences, we can understand Frida’s love for Diego. We can never explain the love we had (and maybe still have) for people who hurt us or left us but we can definitely feel it. Frida simply taught me that love is unexplainable.
Love yourself. “The only thing I know is that I paint because I need to.” ~ Frida Kahlo
To love yourself means to remember yourself, no matter what the circumstances are.
Frida married a man who had little time for her, due to the busy life he lead. She married a man who cheated on her and left her in agony. We live in a time where we’re instantly bedridden if we have a tiny headache. Frida had a broken spine, wore a corset most of her life, had an amputated leg and still she managed to paint.
With all this emotional and physical pain, Frida never forgot herself. She loved herself immensely that she always kept herself busy with painting. Although she loved Diego, she didn’t accept being a doormat who waited for him at home crying. In retaliation, she loved herself enough to go out, make affairs and pleasure herself just the way Diego pleased himself.
Know when to quit. “I am not sick… I am broken.” ~ Frida Kahlo
Diego had many affairs with many women. But one affair finally pushed Frida to quit. In 1934, after having her third abortion, Frida learned that Diego cheated on her with her younger sister, Cristina.
Afterward, they separated for almost four years and Frida led a life away from Diego.
Frida teaches us that it’s okay not to let go too soon but one must know when it’s time to quit.
Suffering is consciousness in disguise. “I drank to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learnt how to swim.” ~ Frida Kahlo
Frida Kahlo was plagued by illness starting at a young age. At 18 she went through a tough accident that left her with a broken spine, a fractured vaginal structure. She had hundreds of injuries and died critically ill with pneumonia.
Mentally, emotionally and physically, Frida Kahlo went through intense suffering. And though we don’t realize it, Frida was more conscious than many of us are today.
Her pain was her gate to higher realizations—realizations that we only find through books nowadays. Frida found them through pain.
Keeping a diary is healthy. “I never paint dreams or nightmares; I paint my own reality.” ~ Frida Kahlo
People usually underestimate the importance of keeping a diary. I bet Frida wouldn’t have been able to live as long if she didn’t let out her pain.
There is only one thing that can truly kill us and it’s called “sadness.” If sadness isn’t expressed, it has the capability of ending a body’s life faster than any disease.
Frida Kahlo is the first in history to write a diary with a brush on canvas. She also kept written diaries with drawings for the last 10 years of her life.
Frida teaches us to express, to paint, to write, to do anything to let out our anger and sadness. She teaches us to make something out of our pain—something beautiful.
Don’t be ashamed of your style. Frida was regarded as an icon of beauty in Mexico. She was known for her extensive style with her colorful clothes and extraordinary hair braids.
The unibrow and the mustache that people make fun of today, are the very elements that made Frida unique. She left her armpits untouched and decorated her shoulders with fantastic Tehuana dresses.
Frida was best known for her red lipstick, red nail polish and the beautiful smell of perfume that she wore. Kids in her neighborhood used to know she was passing by when they started smelling roses.
Frida taught us to be unique in our style and comfortable in our own skin. She taught us to simply be ourselves.
Don’t get attached to your plans. “Nothing is absolute. Everything changes, everything moves, everything revolves, everything flies and goes away.”~ Frida Kahlo
Frida never planned to become an artist. Until she was 18, she was planning to become a doctor and attended a prestigious school that only had 35 girls out of 2,000 students—Frida was among them.
The accident she had at the age of 18 changed the course of her life forever. As a result of being bedridden with a corset, her father gave her his brushes and paint and constructed an easel for her so she can paint while she was in bed.
Just like Frida says, “everything changes, everything moves.” We never know how or when our life can change. Hence, never plan and get attached to your plans.
Women have an abundance of strength inside. “At the end of the day we can endure much more than we think we can.” ~ Frida Kahlo
I highly believe that women are stronger than men in many aspects and Frida Kahlo stands out today to prove this notion for us.
She is an example of how much a woman can undergo and still be able to stand on her two feet.
With a man who sucked the energy out of her system and an accident that left her with hundreds of injuries and deadly illnesses, Frida teaches us that women are a pile of strength.
Let go. “I hope the exit is joyful and I hope never to return.” ~ Frida Kahlo
Frida was an outgoing person who used wise words in her conversations. She loved to smoke, drink tequila and sing off-color songs to guests at the many parties she hosted.
Despite the fact that the doctors tests on her revealed a severe kidney infection, anemia, exhaustion and alcoholism, Frida remained a person who drank, smoked and had fun.
The bottle of tequila and cigarettes never quit her hand.
She held them until her last breath. She just didn’t care much about the consequences. She went through a lot and lost a lot that there was nothing more to lose—she let go, and this is what made her the great Frida.
An S-ICD (an implanted defibrillator) and these statistics are the reason I feel so much more confident, happy, more willing to try new things, to live, to love like I have not had the chance to in the past 5 years. It is the most amazing opportunity at a second chance and I am not wasting it. I am going to enjoy every minute every second on everything wonderful, fun and alive this life has to offer me! What a lucky woman I am!
Check…check…check and check!
It is not always easy but it is always worth it! Amazing that a 12th century poet
named Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī
from Persia (now Afghanistan) is currently
the #1 selling poet in the United States. Even way back then, we were told to conform, be comfortable,
do not challenge the rules, and care about what others think of you. But clearly Rumi suggests that greatness and
happiness comes from doing just the opposite.
No wonder he is the #1 poet!
There are small but crazy amazing coincidences in life that
point to the basic theory that there must be something bigger, more magic than
any of us can truly understand. When the
moon is full, more babies are born and more crimes are committed without
logical explanation, but I think one of the biggest unanswered “coincidences”
is that the moon and women both have 28 day cycles. 
I suspect for most southerners a blooming magnolia tree in
the yard is no big deal….but for me….It is huge! 
Predictable and reliable became synonymous in my mind and in my life and
both of them were necessary to be successful.
I do not want to be predictable, but have strained to be just that. In my art I was advised to stick with one
style, in my life as a wife and parent the same advice was constantly given. It was always difficult and uncomfortable,
but like most of life, that is expected if you want to be a good person. It
just cannot be that black or white. I am a good person. I
can be reliable and NOT predictable! 
There have always been a few dear loved ones that did not care that I did not
fit in and always supported my “unfitinedness”
(un-fit-in'-ed-ness – the unbelievable ability to NOT fit in and not care what
others think..... and very similar to unfuckwithable...there is a theme developing here!) I will be forever grateful
to that handful of lovelies in my life that encourage me to live, play, love,
go after anything and everything I want from life, no matter what. They do not know it, but they have saved my
life over and over and over again!
I used to be so angry with my parents, teachers, rules,
employers, society and any other entity that extolled the virtues of “fitting
in” or “doing what everyone else was doing”.
Just being “good enough” was a full time program for me. Appearing ordinary took all of the strength I
had. I was chronically reminded that I
had never attained really attained ordinary, I certainly was not good enough to even
consider exquisite. I do not want to be
angry anymore……
WARNING….grousing ahead!.....When I tell you there is a hockey puck in my boob…I am not
kidding! Now add the fact that I put on a bra that just mashes that thing into
my ribs and I think I have is a permanent bruise on my ribs. It is a chronic
daily OUCH! I know (and I am grateful)
for everything it does and will do for me.
But the everyday pain provoked by an evening of lifting and installing
art….it is screaming today! Grrrrrrr......
How do I sit, smile, nod my
head and say to myself “this is really shitty,” when I listen to the prognosis as they type into a computer terminal the new calibrations that “talk”
to the S-ICD implanted in my chest? Is there ever a time that I do not have to
be horribly grateful for the technology that keeps me alive? Do I ever just get to be pissed? Do I have the
time to feel the anger and the disappointment when there is so much other stuff
I have to do.
“We ignore our feelings by staying up in our head rather
than being present in our body.”
I suspect Frida knew.
She may be one of the few (artists) that knows how frustrating it is to
have a body that keeps you from doing some of the things you want to do. She has become one of my guiding lights. I do not think anyone has ever accused her of
undermining her own life by always doing what she loved and wanted to do.
Instead of hiding and trying to prove to everyone that I am
fine, there is nothing wrong and I can keep up with the best of them…instead I hide,
cover, minimize. I wonder why I just cannot
celebrate that I am in deed “one tough chick” that I have survived and continue
to survive against some pretty “friggin” phenomenal odds. Why can’t I just stand up and be proud of
this and everything else I have accomplished through out my life?
Here is a little bit of very weird synchronicity! This morning’s blog was about being “one tough chic”. Having finished my writing, I rewarded myself with a second cup of coffee and a quiet moment on the back porch. My home is in the city, but I have a nice little assortment of wildlife to watch from my porch. Squirrels, wild birds, a pair of garden snakes, monarch butterflies and recently a pair of red hawks have made a nest in a neighbor’s tree. But this morning….this particular morning….there was a chicken! REALLY a chicken! I am guessing it must be “one tough chic”!
Following my own advice & eating my words! For many many many years I refused to hang
work in restaurants. First of all, art
hanging that close to people eating, spilling and drinking is always a risk. And, using my work to decorate their business
with no appreciation or compensation felt almost abusive. BUT…then I have always taught in classes “if
the Universe“ presents an opportunity…pay attention. Even if it feels uncomfortable, even if hairs
on the back of your neck are bristling, even if your first reaction is NO….remember
this is the only way the Universe has to teach us, good and bad, they are
lessons we need to learn. So when this
came up, again (and a lesson will return to you over and over and over again, until you learn the right answer) I
surrendered! Although it has been
grossly different from art shows and galleries it has been an adventure… 
Of all of the things that have gone wrong in my life….This I did right, and if the truth be known, I really did not have much to do with it. Some explainable magic brought us together, and years later put us together again! We all have somethings in common; we have known each other from high school, some from elementary school and even some from kindergarten. All of us graduated from LHS (Leesburg High School) in 1972. But the one thing we all share regardless of how long we have known each other is the ability to ROCK a feather boa and the love of each other and Nanny Sanders. Thank you Nanny and my dear friends for the opportunity to spend time, silliness and memories with you all.
It has been a week!
And although there was no one thing that could be considered the reason
for a “break down” there seemed to be more than enough little things, one piled
on top of the other that were surely the culprit. Some of it I chose not to participate in,
simply because there would never be a resolution. I suspect in the long run that will be a good
choice but it was not easy and hurt my heart
to make it. The other was just
another simple fact of life that the “medical industry is a business”, and
clearly cannot serve the needs of patients and the needs of money at the same
time. (Which, by the way I walked away
from, also….) Mix this in with a difficult exhibition install, out of town
class, a loved one in the hospital and just day to day life. I should not have been surprised. A crying breakdown was inevitable. Or maybe…..I just needed a good cry for no
reason at all.
Seems when I am tired or overwhelmed I easily slip back into
old patterns, safe places and expected reactions. Yesterday was a challenge and a huge
lesson! The exhibition venue was very
different than anything I have done before.
Now, every art installation is a challenge but this one more so than
most and at the risk of sounding like a spoiled brat diva, I was a bitch and
half way through it I was going….”what am I doing?” 
and...HELL YES...this is exactly what it is like! I have just become used to the fact that there is no such thing as "Loss Acceptance" Every once in a while I think I have got this whipped only to have it get all screwed up again. I am not learning how to work the steps in the emotional curve, I am learning how to live in the chaos....
How can my rule following fundamental good-girl and my unorthodox
free spirited wild woman live in this one body?
This
body, my heart and even some errant cells keep hijacking my time, my thoughts, my energy, and my happiness! Now, I really understand that pitiful cliché “If
you have your health, you have everything” although I am also certain that the
ones that sling around this pathetic quote have never had a long term chronic
disease. I am caught somewhere between
putting on a mask and acting like I am fine for others because they could never understand this or hiding away
so no one sees the dismal down side of this body crapping out on me. Please believe me, wanting the people in my life that I love to understand this exasperation would be wonderful, but I know that it just cannot happen. I know am totally capable of depressing a saint with my self pity! How do I make it stop? Where is the fucking instruction manual
for this?
Why do I let them define me? 
And here is part of the problem…there are a whole lot people
out there that want you to think you have more or less control over your life
and what other people think than you really do!
All you have to do is watch the commercials on TV…..(I know….I know what
a scary thought!) Consume this “yogurt”,
“chicken”, “medicine” or “______” (fill in the blank} and you will be happy and
healthy. Drive this car and you will be
noticed and popular. Watch this TV
program if you want to be informed and smart….do not under any circumstances
form your own opinion! It goes on and on
and on. There are incredibly wealthy
people and businesses whose chief concern is to separate me from my time or money
or both by making me think that their services and/or products are going to
give me control over my own thoughts and what other people think The reality is the only thing I have control
over and will ever have control over, is how I feel. Even under the most horrendous conditions, I
still have control over how I feel. All
of the money in the world cannot buy another’s respect and/or admiration. No one can give that to me, No one can take
that from me ……unless I give them permission.
Every now and again I feel compelled by some ridiculous
reason to play one of those quasi Face Book quizzes…even though I have been warned (and
have warned others) about the possibility of them being phishing scams. Perhaps I have a need to tempt fate; it
certainly would not be the first time! 
And the hunt is on for an October creative weekend!
It has been 5 years since I facilitated the last AW weekend and I have
missed it! The past 5 years have been
the fight of my life! And the last year was the hardest, with open heart surgery and an S-ICD implant surgery and both ended up having complications. But for now, I am winning
and want to take my amazing creative life back. So many things I used to think important…I
have learned were not, but the one thing that has never left and I am so amazed, is my need to create and inspire others to find and celebrate their own life giving
creativity. So….I am looking to bring the Artist Way Weekend back into
my life and I am so excited!
So this is it…..officially and legally retired next month. First of all I really need to thank Marshall,
the most amazing accountant in the world.
Who even through all of my bitching and belly-aching insisted on and
taught me how and why I needed to pay all of those taxes. His mantra was always, “you make money you
pay taxes”. Do not hide or not report
income to get out of paying taxes, but he was clear about taking every single deductible
and credit that was legally available.
Marshall taught me well, and I do appreciate it so! This week I filed for me SS retirement
benefits and was approved for my benefits to begin in June. Not a horribly big amount of money…but
something that will add to my quality of life.
Although I will be receiving my benefits I am taking the Bette Davis
stance on retirement!
Yep…I was the one they told you about. I do not know if the paste eating was
entirely responsible for the creativity, but it certainly way showing the world
that I had a longing to break rules. I
finally did learn the lessons and followed the rules, well most of them. Now that I am old, and absolutely nothing to lose….I
think it is time to eat some more paste!
