How do I sit, smile, nod my head and say to myself “this is really shitty,” when I listen to the prognosis as they type into a computer terminal the new calibrations that “talk” to the S-ICD implanted in my chest? Is there ever a time that I do not have to be horribly grateful for the technology that keeps me alive? Do I ever just get to be pissed? Do I have the time to feel the anger and the disappointment when there is so much other stuff I have to do.
I have to do more of what I love. I have something to say, and need to speak. But most of all I have to learn to love myself, If I need a hug, I have to be brave enough to ask for a hug….and because I am dying, I have to live.
"The Come On" Janis Ian