life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....

I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this raunchy disease. My words always help me understand that in this life there will be times that are crappy painful and unexpected but tucked in there are the amazingly wonderful, too. That is when I realized the only control I have over any of this is how I chose to experience them! I realized that I could understand, celebrate can survive even better when I could express these feelings with my own words of courage, humor, and grace. I am the Queen of my own life and the choice is mine!

I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure.

I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"


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Tuesday, April 26, 2016

have to...

How do I sit, smile, nod my head and say to myself “this is really shitty,” when I listen to the prognosis as they type into a computer terminal the new calibrations that “talk” to the S-ICD implanted in my chest? Is there ever a time that I do not have to be horribly grateful for the technology that keeps me alive?  Do I ever just get to be pissed? Do I have the time to feel the anger and the disappointment when there is so much other stuff I have to do.

I have to do more of what I love.  I have something to say, and need to speak.  But most of all I have to learn to love myself, If I need a hug, I have to be brave enough to ask for a hug….and because I am dying, I have to live.


"The Come On"  Janis Ian

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