life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Bailing as fast as I can....

I think this goes along with the saying 
“He who cares the least, holds the most power”.
And I have to wonder about both of these sayings.

How is one supposed to know when to "give a damn" and care….and when not to?  And when it is all said and done, what kind of life would it be to not give a damn and not care. 

But one the other hand….

I do get it.  There have been situations that I could have “cared”, invested myself but opted not to.  I am learning to consciously decide not to be a part of chaos, deciding to choose to remove myself from all uncomfortable situations that I am not “required” to participate in. I have more than enough difficult life conditions; I do not need to take on more.   

My own boat is sinking.  I am bailing as fast as I can, barely staying afloat myself.  I cannot to take on anymore grief.

                                      "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay"  Otis Redding

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