life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Bailing as fast as I can....

I think this goes along with the saying 
“He who cares the least, holds the most power”.
And I have to wonder about both of these sayings.

How is one supposed to know when to "give a damn" and care….and when not to?  And when it is all said and done, what kind of life would it be to not give a damn and not care. 

But one the other hand….

I do get it.  There have been situations that I could have “cared”, invested myself but opted not to.  I am learning to consciously decide not to be a part of chaos, deciding to choose to remove myself from all uncomfortable situations that I am not “required” to participate in. I have more than enough difficult life conditions; I do not need to take on more.   

My own boat is sinking.  I am bailing as fast as I can, barely staying afloat myself.  I cannot to take on anymore grief.

                                      "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay"  Otis Redding

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