I do not want to sound ungrateful….there was a party with dear friends, dinner with family and lots of lovely sincere wonderful well wishes but I am still feeling how old I have become and the sheer amount of accomplishments I have not managed to achieve. It feels like the big “F” word (no not that one)…..FAILURE….has attached itself firmly to my ass and it is dragging! Somehow I thought by this age….I would have more life figured out, would be more successful and certainly better off financially. And yes…yes…yes…I know, I should be grateful for all that I have, that I should be celebrating the accomplishments I have achieved….but it is Monday and I am 62.
And then a quote by James Baldwin creeps into my pity party. A superb 1962 meditation on the creative process,“but the artist must know, and he must let us know, that there is nothing stable under heaven.”
I begin to suspect, all of this may just be a part of my creative duty and growth process. It is #1 horribly possible or #2 ecstatically wonderful that the struggle and frustration to find that perfection and/or stability will never be accomplished and never end….
so why not do the hell what I want to do!
"Wild Women Don't Get the Blues" Cyndi Lauper
No comments:
Post a Comment