life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....

I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this raunchy disease. My words always help me understand that in this life there will be times that are crappy painful and unexpected but tucked in there are the amazingly wonderful, too. That is when I realized the only control I have over any of this is how I chose to experience them! I realized that I could understand, celebrate can survive even better when I could express these feelings with my own words of courage, humor, and grace. I am the Queen of my own life and the choice is mine!

I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure.

I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"



Monday, April 18, 2016

so...... why not do the hell what I want to do!

It's Monday morning and I turned 62 over the weekend....

I do not want to sound ungrateful….there was a party with dear friends, dinner with family and lots of lovely sincere wonderful well wishes but I am still feeling how old I have become and the sheer amount of accomplishments I have not managed to achieve. It feels like the big “F” word (no not that one)…..FAILURE….has attached itself firmly to my ass and it is dragging! Somehow I thought by this age….I would have more life figured out, would be more successful and certainly better off financially. And yes…yes…yes…I know, I should be grateful for all that I have, that I should be celebrating the accomplishments I have achieved….but it is Monday and I am 62.

And then a quote by James Baldwin creeps into my pity party. A superb 1962 meditation on the creative process,“but the artist must know, and he must let us know, that there is nothing stable under heaven.”

I begin to suspect, all of this may just be a part of my creative duty and growth process.  It is #1 horribly possible or #2 ecstatically wonderful that the struggle and frustration to find that perfection and/or stability will never be accomplished and never end….
so why not do the hell what I want to do!

"Wild Women Don't Get the Blues"  Cyndi Lauper

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