life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Thursday, April 21, 2016

Frida knows

I suspect Frida knew.  She may be one of the few (artists) that knows how frustrating it is to have a body that keeps you from doing some of the things you want to do.  She has become one of my guiding lights.  I do not think anyone has ever accused her of undermining her own life by always doing what she loved and wanted to do.
  
Although she struggled she always did her way, and to the best of my knowledge …never regretted it.

                                "If it Makes You Happy"  Sheryl Crow

Lessons to Learn from Frida Kahlo

                                                                             by Elyane Youssef


Frida Kahlo was a Mexican painter, who is best known for her self-portraits.
The ones who personally knew her, described her as “one of history’s grand divas, a tequila heavy drinker, dirty joke-telling smoker, a bohemian who threw festive dinner parties for the likes of Leon Trotsky, poet Pablo Neruda and her husband, muralist Diego Rivera.”
If I were to introduce her, I would say she is an icon of strength, a victim of love and a genius in art. Frida Kahlo changed the standards of beauty with her unibrow, her right leg—that was thinner than the left one and her indigenous Tehuana dresses.
Being my great inspiration in life, I regard Frida Kahlo as a school of lessons. She should be the role model of every woman because she indirectly showed the world what a woman is capable of, both physically and emotionally.

After many years of admiration for Frida Kahlo, I can finally put on paper what this woman taught me:

Love is forgiveness
. “I had two big accidents in my life: The trolley and Diego; Diego is by far the worse.” ~ Frida Kahlo
Frida was the wife of Diego Rivera, the muralist who was best known for his endless love affairs with women. He was a womanizer who had serious problems with infidelity.
Although none of Frida’s friends nor parents approved of this awkward union, Frida still married Diego. She kept on loving him despite all the pain he caused her.
Frida teaches us that love is forgiveness.
She might not have said it out loud, but staying with him throughout her life, shows us that she did forgive him every time he cheated on her.

Love is unexplainable
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“…the marriage of Frida and Diego is like the union between an elephant and a dove.”
Whenever I have a discussion about Frida’s life with someone, I always get the same question: “Why did she love him?”
Frida loved Diego for reasons no one understood. Sometimes people think we fall for the wrong person, but in our own eyes, they’re always right for us. Diego was 42-years-old and 300 pounds while Frida was 22 and 98 pounds. He cheated on her, had little time for her and yet she loved him.
If each one of us looks back at our own experiences, we can understand Frida’s love for Diego. We can never explain the love we had (and maybe still have) for people who hurt us or left us but we can definitely feel it. Frida simply taught me that love is unexplainable.

Love yourself.
“The only thing I know is that I paint because I need to.” ~ Frida Kahlo
To love yourself means to remember yourself, no matter what the circumstances are.
Frida married a man who had little time for her, due to the busy life he lead. She married a man who cheated on her and left her in agony. We live in a time where we’re instantly bedridden if we have a tiny headache. Frida had a broken spine, wore a corset most of her life, had an amputated leg and still she managed to paint.
With all this emotional and physical pain, Frida never forgot herself. She loved herself immensely that she always kept herself busy with painting. Although she loved Diego, she didn’t accept being a doormat who waited for him at home crying. In retaliation, she loved herself enough to go out, make affairs and pleasure herself just the way Diego pleased himself.

Know when to quit.
“I am not sick… I am broken.” ~ Frida Kahlo
Diego had many affairs with many women. But one affair finally pushed Frida to quit. In 1934, after having her third abortion, Frida learned that Diego cheated on her with her younger sister, Cristina.
Afterward, they separated for almost four years and Frida led a life away from Diego.
Frida teaches us that it’s okay not to let go too soon but one must know when it’s time to quit.

Suffering is consciousness in disguise. “I drank to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learnt how to swim.” ~ Frida Kahlo
Frida Kahlo was plagued by illness starting at a young age. At 18 she went through a tough accident that left her with a broken spine, a fractured vaginal structure. She had hundreds of injuries and died critically ill with pneumonia.
Mentally, emotionally and physically, Frida Kahlo went through intense suffering. And though we don’t realize it, Frida was more conscious than many of us are today.
Her pain was her gate to higher realizations—realizations that we only find through books nowadays. Frida found them through pain.

Keeping a diary is healthy. “I never paint dreams or nightmares; I paint my own reality.” ~ Frida Kahlo
People usually underestimate the importance of keeping a diary. I bet Frida wouldn’t have been able to live as long if she didn’t let out her pain.
There is only one thing that can truly kill us and it’s called “sadness.” If sadness isn’t expressed, it has the capability of ending a body’s life faster than any disease.
Frida Kahlo is the first in history to write a diary with a brush on canvas. She also kept written diaries with drawings for the last 10 years of her life.
Frida teaches us to express, to paint, to write, to do anything to let out our anger and sadness. She teaches us to make something out of our pain—something beautiful.

Don’t be ashamed of your style. Frida was regarded as an icon of beauty in Mexico. She was known for her extensive style with her colorful clothes and extraordinary hair braids.
The unibrow and the mustache that people make fun of today, are the very elements that made Frida unique. She left her armpits untouched and decorated her shoulders with fantastic Tehuana dresses.
Frida was best known for her red lipstick, red nail polish and the beautiful smell of perfume that she wore. Kids in her neighborhood used to know she was passing by when they started smelling roses.
Frida taught us to be unique in our style and comfortable in our own skin. She taught us to simply be ourselves.

Don’t get attached to your plans. “Nothing is absolute. Everything changes, everything moves, everything revolves, everything flies and goes away.”~ Frida Kahlo
Frida never planned to become an artist. Until she was 18, she was planning to become a doctor and attended a prestigious school that only had 35 girls out of 2,000 students—Frida was among them.
The accident she had at the age of 18 changed the course of her life forever. As a result of being bedridden with a corset, her father gave her his brushes and paint and constructed an easel for her so she can paint while she was in bed.
Just like Frida says, “everything changes, everything moves.” We never know how or when our life can change. Hence, never plan and get attached to your plans.

Women have an abundance of strength inside. “At the end of the day we can endure much more than we think we can.” ~ Frida Kahlo
I highly believe that women are stronger than men in many aspects and Frida Kahlo stands out today to prove this notion for us.
She is an example of how much a woman can undergo and still be able to stand on her two feet.
With a man who sucked the energy out of her system and an accident that left her with hundreds of injuries and deadly illnesses, Frida teaches us that women are a pile of strength.

Let go. “I hope the exit is joyful and I hope never to return.” ~ Frida Kahlo
Frida was an outgoing person who used wise words in her conversations. She loved to smoke, drink tequila and sing off-color songs to guests at the many parties she hosted.
Despite the fact that the doctors tests on her revealed a severe kidney infection, anemia, exhaustion and alcoholism, Frida remained a person who drank, smoked and had fun.
The bottle of tequila and cigarettes never quit her hand.
She held them until her last breath. She just didn’t care much about the consequences. She went through a lot and lost a lot that there was nothing more to lose—she let go, and this is what made her the great Frida.

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