“Deserve” is a loaded word. I did not know that just being human meant I deserved love. I did not get what I understood love to be, the kind of love most people experience without question as a child or a wife. The few times I screwed up enough courage to ask, even beg for it, I was told I was loved, I just did not know how to recognize the kind of love they gave me. I was selfish. I was self centered. I needed to learn to quit expecting so much. I needed to learn to accept what I was given. It was my problem if I did not understand that. I learned that love is not given freely; I had to perform to be good enough to earn and deserve love….. and I was never good enough. I was never good enough for the accepting, kind, patient, romantic and forgiving love. Now, I find myself exploring the idea that perhaps I was good enough, that I am still good enough. It is OK for me to want to experience the kind of love and life my heart desires. It may just be that I am not selfish…. that I do deserve.
"Better Off Now" Trent Dabbs