life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....

I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this raunchy disease. My words always help me understand that in this life there will be times that are crappy painful and unexpected but tucked in there are the amazingly wonderful, too. That is when I realized the only control I have over any of this is how I chose to experience them! I realized that I could understand, celebrate can survive even better when I could express these feelings with my own words of courage, humor, and grace. I am the Queen of my own life and the choice is mine!

I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure.

I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"


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Wednesday, March 23, 2016

"Deserve" is a loaded word.


“Deserve” is a loaded word.  I did not know that just being human meant I deserved love.  I did not get what I understood love to be, the kind of love most people experience without question as a child or a wife. The few times I screwed up enough courage to ask, even beg for it, I was told I was loved, I just did not know how to recognize the kind of love they gave me. I was selfish. I was self centered.  I needed to learn to quit expecting so much. I needed to learn to accept what I was given. It was my problem if I did not understand that.  I learned that love is not given freely; I had to perform to be good enough to earn and deserve love….. and I was never good enough. I was never good enough for the accepting, kind, patient, romantic and forgiving love.  Now, I find myself exploring the idea that perhaps I was good enough, that I am still good enough. It is OK for me to want to experience the kind of love and life my heart desires.  It may just be that I am not selfish…. that I do deserve.


"Better Off Now"  Trent Dabbs

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