life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Monday, March 7, 2016

Never settle for the ordinary.....

I can remember, as a child being taught not to stand out, to strive to not be seen.  To conform, fit in, not make waves, don’t be difficult, and do not draw attention to yourself.  No one and I do mean no one ever asked me what I wanted to do with my life.  They never encouraged my talent.  I followed all of the rules, married, had children, went to church, volunteered, chaperoned, worked hard and waited almost an entire lifetime for someone to wave the magic wand that would make me happy and successful.  In the meantime I continued to not stand out, not be seen, conform, fit in before I finally realized it was a lie.  A lie not intended to specifically damage me, but to make me, my parents, siblings, spouse and children look better in the eyes of other people.  And in that horrible process, I did t exactly the same thing that was done to me to my own children.

I want them all to know how sorry I am, I wish I had known better!  Please please please….never settle for the ordinary…live your life, celebrate the unusual!

"Have a Little Faith"  Micheal Franti

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