life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Sunday, March 20, 2016

Cannot undo me

Why do I let them define me?  
Why do I deny my own needs so they are comfortable, happy, and not angry? 
Why do I allow them? 
It is the time to turn my own finger around and point back at me…
The more I love and need, the more power I give them… I was taught  that if I  loved hard enough, did everything they wanted me to, and did not question,....they would love me...It does not work; I am not loved in the way I understand...no….the way I want to be loved. I am not ungrateful for the love I have and  I am not blaming them,   I am blaming me, maybe I have to come undone first before I can put together the strength, love and life I want. One day soon...you will not be able to undo me.


"32 Flavors"  Ani DiFranco

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