life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Sunday, March 20, 2016

Cannot undo me

Why do I let them define me?  
Why do I deny my own needs so they are comfortable, happy, and not angry? 
Why do I allow them? 
It is the time to turn my own finger around and point back at me…
The more I love and need, the more power I give them… I was taught  that if I  loved hard enough, did everything they wanted me to, and did not question,....they would love me...It does not work; I am not loved in the way I….the way I want to be loved. I am not ungrateful for the love I have and  I am not blaming them,   I am blaming me, maybe I have to come undone first before I can put together the strength, love and life I want. One day will not be able to undo me.

"32 Flavors"  Ani DiFranco

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