The Best Kind of Person I Can Be

"Strangers Like Me" Phil Collins

How Do You Let it Go?

When you spend a lifetime creating, gathering, holding on to, and shaping life, letting go is a difficult concept to wrap my heart around.  I cannot allow myself to stop creating, loving, laughing, living, but I do so knowing that at some point I will have to let it go.  It is a new element in everything I do and it makes every day, everyone and everything full of more importance and passion.  No one shows or tells you how you let it go, I am figuring out how to do that on my own and it is not easy.

         "Into the Mystic" Van Morrison

Say Things

Depending on words... More so than ever before, between school and the computer.  Finding a level of frustration rising as I spend less and less time in the visual and more and more time with words.  The words are ok, and I find that I can express myself adequately, but not the same, not the same as colors and shapes.  It feels like wearing  gloves to thread a needle.  I will try to communicate a feeling but the intensity will just not be there.  I respect the talents of writers more and more every day!

"Shape of My Heart" Sting, Josh Groban, Chris Boti

As Soon as They Know

Sometimes the hardest part of this happens when they find out or when I tell them.  Some are able to take it in stride, a short hick-up, and an I “never knew” and we move on, others seem almost betrayed, hurt and afraid. They will smile politely reply I am so sorry and in an instant I can feel the emotional withdrawal begin and they quietly back out of my life forever. Where is the book that teaches me how to do this?
The one thing I know is…. as soon as they know,everything is different and that is the part that I hate the most…I am still me nothing has changed! .

"All We Are, We Are"  Matt Nathanson

Boom shaka-laka... Boom shaka-laka

Ever have one of those days that things feel like they just might go right? Of course after yesterday…that would not be hard.

First I was stood up for a lunch date, nothing more humiliating than being seated by the hostess who has been told you are expecting a second.....that never shows up.  You know they are all staring!   So, do you pay for 1 iced tea and slink out or order lunch, like I am a strong, independent woman.  I came here....a single...in a booth...ON PURPOSE!  The broccoli cheese soup was spectacular!

Then in the midst of communicating with the state government and uploading requested information to their web site my internet/cable goes down. As if communicating with the government and navigating their red tape was not already fraught with technical difficulty!

The afternoon was peppered with phone calls from grown children wanting to know what the Thanksgiving and Christmas family plans were. (which evidently I have not done anything about!)  Crap, wasn't Easter last week?

Then showed up for a board meeting whose location had been moved, and I missed the memo on the venue change…..ooosh, how embarrassing.

Having survived yesterday I am due for a little boom shaka-laka!

Bring it on!

" I Want to Take You Higher"  Ike and Tina Turner

We all do it the same….

"But we never say a thing and these crimes between us grow deeper."

Often wonder when all doing it the same became what we want in life.  For many years it was all I wanted.  To be the same, to not stand out, to be perfectly normal, conducting myself in the socially accepted manner that commanded the admiration and attention…..of who?

Now...I want more than anything to

not be the same!

"When all the little ants are marching-Red and black antennas waving 

They all do it the same-They all do it the same way"

"Ants Marching"  Dave Matthews Band
11/12/13
all in a row

Slow down, Hurry up, Take your time, But I am not finished yet!

They say “slow down”  enjoy the journey, smell the roses

I say “hurry up” There is so much I want to feel and do

They say “take your time” you move to fast, be patient

I say “but I am not finished yet”  is there enough time? 

patience queen 

"I Don't Want to Wait"  Paula Cole

Oh...now I remember...this is why we have You Tube!

Ravel's Bolero with Toothpick!
 London Symphony Orchestra 

Arms Wide Open!

Standing with arms wide open, waiting for my next! 

Being open for what comes next does not mean I am not worried, excited and nervous about what comes next! I have no idea what “next” is going to be, but I do know it has to be something new and different , it just has to be. The old comfortable knowing  no longer connects with me and I am feeling stagnant and stale. 

I am ready for my "next", take me there!

"I'll Take You There"  The Staple Singers

Pick a Good one...

All the years growing up, the years of young motherhood, the years of corporate politics, the years of family dysfunction and not one time in my considerable life did anyone tell me I was in charge of my own moods! I have to wonder how different things might have been if I was in control of emotions and moods rather than the other way around.

I still do not have total control over this, every now and again there is a foul mood sneak attack. The "I am mad at the world or vice versa the world is mad at me", "I feel so sorry for myself", and my personal favorite "nobody loves me" nasty moods will slip into my life when least wanted or expected!

For the first time in my life I have figured out that for the most part, I am in charge of my moods and to bastardize the words of Scarlett O’Hara “as God as my witness, I will never” be in a bad mood again. I am only picking the good ones!

There is beauty in the world I just have to know it is there and figure out how to see it. I am in charge!

 

"There is Beauty in the World" Macy Gray    

Moving On....

Accepting reality, looking at every situation for what it really is instead of what I want it to be….and MOVING ON. I think perhaps artists and creatives may have a harder time at this than most “normal” people.
But maybe my inability and/or unwillingness to accept ugly reality is what makes my life wonderful!


"Peace be Upon Us"   Sheryl Crow

me..

In some ways, I’m afraid of writing, or some part of me is afraid of what people will think about me. I've written some things here that I would be afraid to talk about with any one. Yet I still write here because – well, I need to reassure myself. If I can write about it, I have lived through it, I have survived it and I have learned from it. Here, I am myself, as much myself as I can be through words. Here I am exposed.  Most of my heart, fears, doubts, happy days, and celebrations are here. That’s me, here behind and in between these words.  

"ME" Paula Cole

Keep Moving

My heart and soul had run dry and I looked outside of myself for help. At first it was not easy, I felt like I was giving me and my power away to fill those empty places, but when it brought so much incredible enjoyment it became easier and fun.

Now, when I stand outside my situation and observe.... I am watching those fun and fulfilling expectations turning into needy frustrating dependency.

I am learning that expectation is stealing my power and dependency embezzling my happiness.

If I want to keep my balance, I cannot expect or depend on anything from anyone but me.

I must keep moving.

"What a Fool Believes"  Doobie Brothers

The Spark of Passion

I take a deep breath and silently ask my heart 

for the strength to never ever listen to anyone 

who tells me to stop being myself. 

Then I promise my heart 

to forever embrace my eccentricities. 

To breathe in the spark of passion
that lights the fire in my soul
and to always surround myself 

with the wild energy that makes my heart tingle.


       
"Let it be Me" Indigo Girls

I am

I claim to be all of these things,
but in reality,
all of them are much easier said than done.
For the most part,
it is a theory I subscribe to
but talking about it
and doing are very different things.
It is time for me to quit talking,
step up to the plate, and start doing.

I want to be.

I am.

"Superman"  Five for Fighting

fEaRLeSs…..

The world does not expect me to be happy, powerful and loved.

I take away the power of unrealistic and false expectations,
every time I smile, giggle 

and do something I am not supposed to do!

Laughing, living, loving, creating, dancing
and incredibly grateful every day!

F-ing"expletive"  fEaRLeSs…..

"All Right Now"  Free    

She Did it Anyway

I have been thought of, and sometimes called (to my face)

reckless, 

unmanageable, 

spirited, 

irresponsible, 

careless, 

strong 

and uncontrollable. 

I probably deserve these adjectives and others. 

I do not think they mean to hurt me, maybe they want to 

preserve me, 

slow me down, 

protect me, 

keep me, 

shelter me,

but every time I hear one of those words,
I am weakened.

I have a voice,

I am going to do it anyway, 

because I am incredibly alive, I am brave and
I have so much more to do!


"Strip Me"  Natasha Bedingfield

Willing to play the game…

I had to be willing to play the game, before I was comfortable enough to change the rules. The rules are like insurmountable walls created by nameless people and entities that are established for the purpose of controlling me, my behavior and establishing socially accepted winners. Some rules are good and necessary, but in life and in art I am learning how and when to break the rules to create the art and the life I am craving.

To truly live and understand life and creativity, I have to be patient, I have to be willing to play the game by the rules before I can know how to successfully bend and break them.

"So, don't mind if I fall apart...there is more room in a broken heart.  I believe in love."

       "Coming Around Again"  Carly Simon

The Bad Place

Why am I so quick to go straight to the bad place? 

Every time things do not go as I expect them to, 

my brain will “go to the bad place” 

and begin unpacking  the worst case scenarios. 

They are always negative.
I am not good enough...
do not do enough, am not smart enough,
forgot, said too much, did not speak up
am not young enough, do not make enough money, 

not skinny enough. 

the list of bad places could fill this page.

Why do I go there?

This time......I am going to another place!

"Everyone's Gone to the Moon"  Chad & Jeremy

Nobody ever told me

I have had a life full of being told 

how to

what to

and when to

No one ever told me to 

Just be who I am.

To look into my own heart

do and follow my own dreams.

Nobody ever told me

Just be who you are!

"Nobody Ever Told You"  Carrie Underwood

Chaos

I am watching chaos dance around my life, not in my life, but all around me. I find myself dodging chaos at all costs and I begin to question whether or not chaos is just a part of life. Is there some connection between chaos and passion. Could it be unbridled passion creates the chaos and/or does it feed the other way also, does the chaos ignite unbridled passion.

Am I doing myself any favors by avoiding chaos at all costs?


"Just Dropped In"  Kenny Rogers and the 1st Edition

NOT Stopping!

hmmmm...I hear this question a lot...

and my answer is

I do not know what the hell I am doing...
But I am not stopping!

                                            "Pata Pata"  Miriam Makeba"

Day #1 Year #5

a fighter

dancing through the fire...

turn it way up!

I am Making Progress!

There can be no doubt that I am making amazing progress, because I am making colossal new mistakes!

I try so very hard to NOT let my heart take the lead in my life…but it sneaks up on me and when I least suspect it
oooooooosh……NEW MISTAKE….
 I wish life came with operating instructions!


"Reflections"  The Marmelade

What Does Bohemian Mean?

I wish it made more sense!

But I would not count on it!  

If it does not speak to our hearts and passions, there is a good chance we cannot-will not behave in ways that are expected.

Fear, everyone is doing it, or those are the rules, will never be a good reason to perform, conform, change our minds or agree.

What you can expect and count on from me or any other self-confessed Bohemian is complete focus and dedication to an ideal, concept,  person, organization,  etc. etc. that touches our hearts.

We operate from the heart and in all likelihood will be the most authentic, honest, trustworthy people you will ever know.

Celebrate the Bohemian in yourself and others!

                                           "I'm Free"  Soup Dragons

Happy Heart.....4 year Anniversary!

Every October while everyone else is promoting pink for breast cancer,

I celebrate RED.... for my heart!

Four years ago this week I began the most incredible journey of my life.  A massive heart attack, an aortic pump, a stent and a week in intensive cardiac care left me with significant left ventricle heart damage. Alive... it was an ugly life wake up call.

The first year I spent in denial, chasing cures, stem cell trials, and surgical options. I was willing to take any chances to fix my broken heart and get my life back. I finally gave up when the high risk thoracic surgeon at Shands said that the surgery could be life threatening. My arteries would most likely not hold the grafts, restarting my damaged heart after by-pass could be difficult leaving LVAD as my only option for heart function. The best possible outcome, was not worth the risk.

The second year I was alone, unfixable, angry and still in shock. I was not prepared for any of this and I refused to accept it. I was mad, felt sorry for myself, whined and cried a lot! (and as it turns out, I am really really good at bitching, whining and crying!)  Seven magnificent creative "VoG" women stood with me and held me up when I did not have the emotional or physical strength to do it on my own.

The third year I realized I was still here, still alive. I began creating and writing again. I realized I was wasting my precious time and aggressively began the war to take my life back. My creative heart led the charge.

And this, the fourth most glorious year,  I am learning how to embrace compromise and work around the physical difficulties. I can still love, laugh, create and celebrate my life.  

I cannot wait for my fifth year to begin.  I have so much more to do, to experience, to create, to live, to love and to learn.

Happy Anniversary to my most amazing heart, that against the odds continues to support me and the life I love every day....every day!

                                                                                  Now....I live every day! Now....I love every day!

  

     "Every Day" Dave Matthews Band

Sometimes I am Terrified

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person.

Each one of us has cause to think and 
have deep gratitude to those who have lit the flame within us.

On an early full moon morning I finally screwed up my courage
and allowed myself to be weak, 

admitting that
I need,
I want
 I love. 

I can write it here, without fear,
but I am still afraid to ask,
 and honestly tell another person 

how and what I feel.

                                                       I do not regret exposing myself, 
                                         but I am still afraid that openly expressing my feelings
                                                  will compromise how others see me and  
                                                          undermine my own strength. 

"Strength, Courage & Wisdom"  India Arie

Full Moon Dance

"under the cover of October skies"

   
"Moon Dance"  Van Morrison

Tequila & Tiaras

There are very few people that can claim a best friend for life....So how lucky am I to have Terry!  We do not know the exact date we met, but will agree we were 4 to 5 years old.  Through nursery school, kindergarten, and some of elementary school.  We were separated by divorced parents, but in high school we both found ourselves back in Leesburg.

We have survived, husbands, children, and the deaths of parents and grandparents....and still we are here and still best friends!

And on easy fall evenings, in Nanny's kitchen, (and I am sure she was watching and shaking her head at us) a magnificent mess of margaritas were made.  We toasted our lives, our friends, those we have lost, those that are still here and a serious case of the silly giggles set in when we realized how lucky we truly are....and that is what best freinds are for!


"Tequila" The Champs

Too Old for School

Finally finishing my last semester of college.  I groused at my son when he was in college on the 6-year plan, never considering that one day I might be in the same position, but this time it is more like the 30-year plan.  Having a college degree has always been a lifelong dream of mine, but life, work, marriage, and child rearing consumed me, there was just never any time.

The children are grown, life took a dramatic change and I have had the marvelous opportunity to actively pursue that dream, but every flipping semester about mid-term I find myself sitting in front of piles of books, exams and term papers asking myself, “What the hell are you doing?  You are too old to be in school!”

         "Wonderful World"  Sam Cooke

Wild Wand Waving…

Do you believe in magic??
Got a Monday morning working here….
and needing all the wild wand waving I can get. A fairy godmother (a far cry from my ballerina days) and a magic wand will do the trick!

School work...

wand and pooooooof it disappears!

Laundry…

wand and poooooooof folded and put away!

Friend having medical tests...

wand and poooooof the results are perfect!

You getting the idea???? 

This wand waving stuff, could really catch on!

If you believe in magic, come along with me... We'll dance until mornin' 
'til there's just you and me
                                                                                                                                                        

Magic!                                                               "Do You Believe in Magic?" Loving Spoonful

Big Ass Canvas.....still scares me

Big ass canvas coming..... 60" by 40" .....and it is fighting me the whole way. Struggling with proportion like a crazy woman. Although yesterday I took it off the easel turned it lengthwise standing on the floor and all of the sudden several issues resolved themselves. If you are familiar with Betty Edwards' Drawing from the Right Side of the Brain you will understand exactly why that made such a difference! Why didn't I think of this earlier!!!

For the first time in more time than I can remember, I am painting, NOT on a deadline and it is wonderful. Each creative discovery is an act of faith, every artistic resolution is a celebration!

Although there is a major amount of fear that lurks every time I pick up the brush, pushing through it continues to be empowering. She and I have a long, long, long way to go!

                                                                                                                                                                                      "Woman" John Lennon

Believe

                                                                  
                                                                            "There is a Mountain"  Donovan

Hakuna Matata

Means no worries ...

for the rest of my days!

Worry does not change anything!

Worry does not make it better!

Worry is a waste of life and love!
Worry steals my joy!
Hakuna Matata, Baby, Hakuna Matata
                                                                                       "Don't You Worry 'Bout a Thing"  Stevie Wonder

She is Quite Good at it....

I hide it....it is what I do best…the happy, the sad, the hurt.  I do not know any time in my life that I have hidden so much. I have become quite good at it and I do not know how I feel about it. Will hiding spare the pain or will it end up breaking me?


       "Head and Heart"  Gemma Hayes

"You're the Only Thing in Your Way"

by Cloud Cult


Drive baby drive, until your trouble's gone.
Run, baby, run, until it all goes numb.

You are the wind, the flood and the flame.
Nothing here can get in your way.

You've come too far to care what they say.
Now you're the only thing in your way.

Fly, baby, fly,
until nothing can get you down.
Sing, baby, sing, until it all comes out.

You are the wind, the flood and the flame.
Nothing here can get in your way.
You've come too far to care what they say.
Now You're the only thing in your way.

Breathe, baby, breathe, until all is calm.
Love, baby, love...

You are the wind, the flood and the flame.
Nothing here can get in your way.
You've come too far to care what they say.
Now You're the only thing in your way.

Nothing has Changed

It is not a big surprise that life changes, in fact the old cliché guarantees us that it is the only thing certain in life. When things are working well and I am happy and comfortable, I like it, I feel like I can get my old life back, and be whole again.

And then my heart changes, I do not know when it is coming, there is no warning, I cannot stop it, and it is so incredibly frustrating. I have no choice but to surrender my physical body to its ugly demands. Fear sets in and I find myself desperately scrambling emotionally to control and make sure nothing else changes.

I will frantically grab and hold on to everything too tight, push myself too hard and fight tooth and toe nail in an effort to prove to me and everyone else that nothing has changed.


       "On & On" Stephen Bishop

Still Listening.....

As it has always been…when I am confused, flustered and have no idea what to do next, I go hide in the art. Sometimes it is the letting go of and the listening for….that all of the answers will arrive without any additional effort on my part. And…. looking at the size of this canvas, it is telling me there is a whole lot of flustered confusion!

Hiding in the art is a concept I have recently realized is a reoccurring theme throughout my life. I wonder if I am the only one that does this or is this a cleverly disguised perception of a “muse”?

Still staring at this canvas…..nothing yet….but I am still listening.

"Listen to the Music" The Doobie Brothers

Struggling With Who & What I Am This Week.....

Remembering that artist is 

not just what I am but who I am.

That being an artist is not something 

I woke up and decided to be one day.

It does not turn off or go away just because I am not creating and selling as much as I once did.

I was, I am and I always will be an artist regardless of how much and what I create.

I am an artist!

Square Peg in a World of Round Holes

I feel like a square peg in a world of round holes.

Alone, different, bizarre....Am I the only one that feels like this?

Do I act my age?  Am I irresponsible, why do things that mean so much to others mean so little to me?  On the other hand why am I so passionate about so many things that are so unimportant to others?

Sometimes all I want in this world is to "fit" in, and I never have.

     
          "Express Yourself"  Charles Watts

cha-cha

Yes, it has been one of those weeks! There was a tremendous disappointment and I do not know which way to step next. There was so much evidence that I was moving in the right direction, and then a huge step backwards undermined all of the confidence I had mustered up.  Still learning how to accept failure with grace and desperately looking for my cha-cha!

              "Sway" Michael Buble'

Fairy Godmother Synchronicity...

Funny how things fall together without any effort on my part.  Just paying attention and all kinds of connections and synchronicity seem to be showing up!

This morning I found myself wishing on a star, the first time I have ever really wished on a star, then I realized that my very first, and I might add my only ballet recital solo was to the song "When You Wish Upon a Star"  I was a dancing Fairy Godmother. Unfortunately,  I am a real  klutz, the ballet career was short lived and that may explain why I forgot all about it!

However,  it may be the reason I am so attracted to tiaras and magic wands. Although I clearly remember a magic wand as part of this lovely ensemble, it did not seem to make it into the photograph.  Tiara is on, magic wand is waving madly, and I am wishing on a star knowing that all of these coincidences mean something, Just wishing I knew what.
I need a Fairy Godmother...and I need her right now!


"When You Wish Upon a Star"  Rod Stewart

When You Wish Upon a Star.....

When you wish upon a star

Makes no difference who you are

Anything your heart desires

Will come to you.

If your heart is in your dream

No request is too extreme

When you wish upon a star

As dreamers do.

Fate is kind,

She brings to those who love

The sweet fulfillment of

Their secret longing.

Like a bolt out of the blue

Fate steps in and sees you through

When you wish upon a star 

Your dreams come true

I am an artist!

And a perverse fantasy world,
is a most wonderful place!

I get to make up all of the rules!

Imagination is the only guiding factor.
Anything and everything is possible

Afraid to invite others into my world...
They will bring a whole mess of reality.
I did not think I was ready for reality,

But as it turns out, 
I am
I am an artist
and I am filling my reality 
full of unrealistic expectations!

And it makes me smile!


              "Smile" Uncle Kracker

The Comfort Zone

The most exciting things in my life come when I am willing to step outside of my comfort zone.

The most painful things in my life have also come when I am willing to step outside my comfort zone.

The catch is I do not get to know which one I am headed for when I take those first steps. 

 
And now I am way outside my comfort zone, and I still have no idea.

She's Come Undone...

Finished this piece last month for the Artist's Way Exhibit.  It has always been one of those from the "gut" works.  The neck cracked when fired, I almost quit.  But then realized that was going to be part of what I needed to say.

Yes she did not want to be here, did everything not to show up.  But showed up anyway if for no other reason than to say "She's Come Undone" but she is still here!

Loved her tenacity, loved how the light recognized and created the 3 shadows in my life. There they all are.....




"Undun" The Guess Who

That...I know!

Every day there are at least 47 questions I ask myself they always begin like this “What are you doing?” & “Why are you doing that?” Most of the time the answers are so easy, they take very little thought at all….
Laundry-need clean clothes
Marketing-out of food
Gas-want to go somewhere

In the studio, I never ask what or why. I create because it feels good and right. I have something to say and I do not have the words. All I want the viewer to know it is how I feel by using shapes, colors & texture. It works so well in the studio, but in the real world….it does not...they really do not want to know about feelings.

If you ask questions of me, I am most likely to skip the what and the why, not because I do not want you to know…. because I really do not know myself.
                                                                             Ask me how it made me feel, that.... I know!

What was I thinking????

OMG….there is nothing more embarrassing than screwing up my courage, trying something really new and different, and failing …..I mean it was a spectacular FAIL.
The good news….the failure although not caught in time, is manageable and exposure is minimal limiting my total degradation…
Oh dear God…..What was I thinking????

                                                           and NO I am not telling anyone what I did !

                                                                        
                                                                               "No Sugar Tonight"  Guess Who

Good and Bad Days....

There are ecstatic, wonderful celebrate life days and then there are these crappy, crummy, cannot get my shit together days. We all have dreadful days from time to time, but I have managed, for the most part, to avoid them at all costs! The price for this marvelous avoidance has simply been, do not allow anyone into my life enough that could impact my ability to maintain this level of blissful ignorance. If the crappy days are this bad in my isolation, I could not bare it if I were emotionally vulnerable and exposed to people, too.

I understand there is a direct necessary relationship and balance between joy and grief or light and dark, life and death. It is the yin yang of life. They all must exist together and in balance. I have to experience this grief in order to feel the joy that is available to me. But, I wrestle with so much concealed grief every day; I just cannot risk the chance of letting people too far into my life that could tip my own delicate balance. I am so much better at doing this by myself, although I may have just blown my own cover by posting it here.

And this day like all of the rest will surely pass.


"Don't Let the Sun Catch You Crying"  Gerry and the Pacemakers

What's Next?

My life seems to flow in stages….I bet everyone’s does this may not be big news to anyone.

The biggest swath was dedicated to being a Momma, although sandwiched in there, out of necessity were years of working, too. The work was fulfilling, but I always knew that that particular job was not what I was “meant” to do. It was the beginning but not the end.

The next identifiable stage was when I began painting and drawing. That erupted pretty quick and there was a gut feeling this was right. Many years on the eastern US art festival circuit finally allowed me to give up the picture framing business and Studio E, Inc. officially closed . It truly was one of the most exciting, challenging parts of my life. As I look back, I realize it was the part of my life that I most enjoyed and was truly satisfied both emotionally and financially.

I have attempted to go back and recreate that life, but I knew better, you cannot go backwards. It never works and this was not different. It was a miserable failure.

So… the question that plagues me is what is next. I am trying so hard to be patient and aware of opportunities. Clearly, teaching continues to show up and I do enjoy it, and there is a part of me deep down in my soul that knows this is part of why I am here.  Is this what I am supposed to leave on this earth. Creative Courage….is this what’s next…..creative courage. I need to find some, create some, and leave some.

        "Follow Me"  Uncle Kracker

No Fear!!!

Woo-Hoo ....I DID IT! 

NO FEAR! for all of those times when I just do not think I can do it.....I now have "no fear" tattooed on my foot to remind me....How strong I have got to be everyday, that I CHOOSE no fear....and  I am going to do it anyway!!!!
Bucket List #32-B check!
My first and will be my only tattoo!

Beginnings and Endings

September is here and summer is over. The semester has begun but there is more that my typical sadness that summer has ended, it is the last semester, at the end I will finally have the degree I have longed for. It truly is the beginning of the end.

Summer brought me some new beginnings and I am thrilled, fall looks like it is going to bring me some endings, some of my own choosing others not. But as sad as those endings may be, they will be making room for more beginnings.

So, to my endings I say goodbye, thank you for coming into my life I am a better person for all of the experiences. To my beginnings, I anticipate your arrivals and welcome all of the new lessons I have yet to learn.


    "Auld Lang Syne"  Mairi Campbell

10 Paradoxical Traits Of Creative People

From Fast Company

“I have devoted 30 years of research to how creative people live and work, to make more understandable the mysterious process by which they come up with new ideas and new things. If I had to express in one word what makes their personalities different from others, it's complexity. They show tendencies of thought and action that in most people are segregated. They contain contradictory extremes; instead of being an individual, each of them is a multitude." Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

1. Creative people have a great deal of physical energy, but they're also often quiet and at rest. They work long hours, with great concentration, while projecting an aura of freshness and enthusiasm.
2. Creative people tend to be smart yet naive at the same time. “It involves fluency, or the ability to generate a great quantity of ideas; flexibility, or the ability to switch from one perspective to another; and originality in picking unusual associations of ideas. These are the dimensions of thinking that most creativity tests measure and that most workshops try to enhance.”
3. Creative people combine playfulness and discipline, or responsibility and irresponsibility. But this playfulness doesn't go very far without its antithesis, a quality of doggedness, endurance, and perseverance. “Despite the carefree air that many creative people affect, most of them work late into the night and persist when less driven individuals would not. Vasari wrote in 1550 that when Renaissance painter Paolo Uccello was working out the laws of visual perspective, he would walk back and forth all night, muttering to himself: "What a beautiful thing is this perspective!" while his wife called him back to bed with no success.”
4. Creative people alternate between imagination and fantasy, and a rooted sense of reality. Great art and great science involve a leap of imagination into a world that is different from the present.
5. Creative people tend to be both extroverted and introverted. We're usually one or the other, either preferring to be in the thick of crowds or sitting on the sidelines and observing the passing show. Creative individuals, on the other hand, seem to exhibit both traits simultaneously.
6. Creative people are humble and proud at the same time. It is remarkable to meet a famous person who you expect to be arrogant or supercilious, only to encounter self-deprecation and shyness instead.
7. Creative people, to an extent, escape rigid gender role stereotyping. When tests of masculinity and femininity are given to young people, over and over one finds that creative and talented girls are more dominant and tough than other girls, and creative boys are more sensitive and less aggressive than their male peers.
8. Creative people are both rebellious and conservative. It is impossible to be creative without having first internalized an area of culture. So it's difficult to see how a person can be creative without being both traditional and conservative and at the same time rebellious and iconoclastic.
9. Most creative people are very passionate about their work, yet they can be extremely objective about it as well. Without the passion, we soon lose interest in a difficult task. Yet without being objective about it, our work is not very good and lacks credibility. Here is how the historian Natalie Davis puts it: "I think it is very important to find a way to be detached from what you write, so that you can't be so identified with your work that you can't accept criticism and response, and that is the danger of having as much affect as I do. But I am aware of that and of when I think it is particularly important to detach oneself from the work, and that is something where age really does help."
10. Creative people's openness and sensitivity often exposes them to suffering and pain, yet also to a great deal of enjoyment. “Perhaps the most important quality, the one that is most consistently present in all creative individuals, is the ability to enjoy the process of creation for its own sake. Without this trait, poets would give up striving for perfection and would write commercial jingles, economists would work for banks where they would earn at least twice as much as they do at universities, and physicists would stop doing basic research and join industrial laboratories where the conditions are better and the expectations more predictable.”

her fire...

a "burner" at heart....

When the rest of the country is celebrating Labor Day weekend, my heart and my imagination soar to the temporary city of Black Rock City, Nevada and the yearly one-week celebration of creativity known as Burning Man http://www.burningman.com/ . I have never been but I fill my creative soul by watching the live video feed, admiring the creative freedom of the art installations, and marveling at the incredible adverse conditions that these creatives are willing to endure just to be in each other’s company and create.  

It is easy to draw the similarities that exist at Burning Man with the collection of amazing artists that lived and created in Montmartre area of Paris France. The excitement and lights of the Moulin Rouge, the enlightened conversations of the cafés inspired them and they thrived artistically.

My body may be sitting in a little air conditioned concrete block house in central Florida, but my imagination is dancing among the creatives that are living for a week in the middle of a Nevada desert, practicing, celebrating and living their art.

                                                                               I am a “Burner” at heart.

http://www.theatlantic.com/infocus/2013/09/photos-of-burning-man-2013/100584/