life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....

I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this raunchy disease. My words always help me understand that in this life there will be times that are crappy painful and unexpected but tucked in there are the amazingly wonderful, too. That is when I realized the only control I have over any of this is how I chose to experience them! I realized that I could understand, celebrate can survive even better when I could express these feelings with my own words of courage, humor, and grace. I am the Queen of my own life and the choice is mine!

I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure.

I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"



Saturday, October 19, 2013

Happy Heart.....4 year Anniversary!

Every October while everyone else is promoting pink for breast cancer,
I celebrate RED.... for my heart!

Four years ago this week I began the most incredible journey of my life.  A massive heart attack, an aortic pump, a stent and a week in intensive cardiac care left me with significant left ventricle heart damage. Alive... it was an ugly life wake up call.

The first year I spent in denial, chasing cures, stem cell trials, and surgical options. I was willing to take any chances to fix my broken heart and get my life back. I finally gave up when the high risk thoracic surgeon at Shands said that the surgery could be life threatening. My arteries would most likely not hold the grafts, restarting my damaged heart after by-pass could be difficult leaving LVAD as my only option for heart function. The best possible outcome, was not worth the risk.

The second year I was alone, unfixable, angry and still in shock. I was not prepared for any of this and I refused to accept it. I was mad, felt sorry for myself, whined and cried a lot! (and as it turns out, I am really really good at bitching, whining and crying!)  Seven magnificent creative "VoG" women stood with me and held me up when I did not have the emotional or physical strength to do it on my own.

The third year I realized I was still here, still alive. I began creating and writing again. I realized I was wasting my precious time and aggressively began the war to take my life back. My creative heart led the charge.

And this, the fourth most glorious year,  I am learning how to embrace compromise and work around the physical difficulties. I can still love, laugh, create and celebrate my life.  

I cannot wait for my fifth year to begin.  I have so much more to do, to experience, to create, to live, to love and to learn.

Happy Anniversary to my most amazing heart, that against the odds continues to support me and the life I love every day....every day!
                                                                                  Now....I live every day! Now....I love every day!
     "Every Day" Dave Matthews Band

1 comment:

  1. Happy to be in your life... look at that magnificent heart! As a VOG, it is I who am honored to have been allowed in, to have shared and to have grown with you all. Thank you, Cheryl. Don't you think this calls for a celebration? :-)