life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure. I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"


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Wednesday, December 5, 2018

Scared the be-jesus out of me!

When you have a long-term chronic illness, typically big ugly symptoms do not just pop up… those buggars are much more insidious.  They creep up in small increments that are barely noticeable, then all of the sudden, they are evident and frustrating.  But yesterday….holy crap yesterday…while doing just some regular stuff I had a “MOTHER” of all… shortness of breath assaults…I could not breathe, simply leaning over to put away a basket of coat hangers in the bottom of my closet and boom. It was worse than any I have ever had, (or could have even imagined)  and of course, then there was sheer panic!...that never helps!  So I go into recovery mode….while I can…. “Hurry… O2 on…lay down….NO do NOT lay down…that made it worse…sit back up…try to take in slow deep breaths…not happening…nitro under the tongue…thoughts zooming through my head….is this it? Do I call someone, OMG can I even call someone. “ Panic is such an ugly thing….then I recognized the panic and tried to just calm down concentrate/meditate on my breathing… finally, I was getting air….Cannot tell you if it was the nitro, the meditation or the damn attack just ran its course…but it finally ended.

This morning when Ed came, my O2 is back to normal 99%...but apparently leaning over with that little bit of exertion set off what looks like is just another part of rather normal and expected heart failure crap.  I need to recognize the events that make this happen and then learn how to control that suspect activity….AUGHHHH!  Me and the word “control” that is never a good thing!
"What's Going On"  Marvin Gaye

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