life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Sunday, October 23, 2016

Steering into the direction of the skid....

This is another one of those sayings that just seems to be counter intuitive.  You know like when the driver’s ed teacher told you “if your car goes into an out of control skid…do not stomp on the brakes or wildly try to steer out of it, instead…do not brake and steer into the direction of the skid”.  What in the world made the instructor think I could do that….it just is not a conscious decision it's instinct! I think it falls under the heading reflex survival.  I always felt that fearlessness comes from instinctive self-preservation, brute strength and unflappable resolve but maybe that is not how this real fearlessness works. I have inkling deep down in my heart that it is not about self preervation….that it is more about  about acceptance, love and tenderness.  I know….it does not make sense…but more like what that driver’s ed teacher said. 

I am just trying like crazy not to “stomp on the brakes or wildly steer out of the direction of the skid”.
"Ironic"  Alanis Morrisette

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