life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Monday, October 31, 2016


Sometimes….I am exhausted from the “you will feel better, if you think I am feeling better” performance.   I learned it early in life, and have been doing it  ever since to protect me.  If you do not know I am hurting, you will not ask questions.

I want desperately to figure out how not just perform so they think this is how I am….but to really really really be the happy, bright, smiling, laughing me! 

"Me" Paula Cole

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