life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Sunday, October 2, 2016

A Faulty Equation....

CAUTION....Dangerous whining ahead! 
Most of the frustration of long term terminal situation is NOT dealing with the disease; it is trying to handle the business.  Yesterday’s mail sent me another two reminders that it is not about me or life, it is about the money.  Number 1 was a statement from last year’s insurance company (the one that canceled all Florida customers) paying the doctors’ bills from Aug. 2015 thru Dec. 2015, the very same bills that I had been turned over to an ugly aggressive collection agency for. Number 2 was a notice that my current insurance Humana, will no longer be available to me, which means for the 3rd consecutive year I will have to find another insurance company, via AHC.  The biggest part of this is not struggling with the physical complications of the disease, it is the economic hardship it has created for my family and the gross amount of life and energy  I spend desperately trying to convince myself that I am worth it.
"We Don't Care" Eric Bibb

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