life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....

I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this raunchy disease. My words always help me understand that in this life there will be times that are crappy painful and unexpected but tucked in there are the amazingly wonderful, too. That is when I realized the only control I have over any of this is how I chose to experience them! I realized that I could understand, celebrate can survive even better when I could express these feelings with my own words of courage, humor, and grace. I am the Queen of my own life and the choice is mine!

I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure.

I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"



Monday, August 29, 2016

Way Outside my Comfort zone! But loving, living and growing....

It is done.   I made a decision …..well to be honest, I think the decision had been made years ago, but last year I caved into medical pressure and advice. Hope and fear are influential bedfellows and when combined become a powerful convincing weapon.  Extreme measures were taken, surgeries were planned and executed that gave everyone, and that includes me, the ability to legitimately say, we tried everything! Or am I being incredibly na├»ve, could it have been my “hope and fear” that created my willingness to try anything did nothing more than generate a profit and relieve legal liability responsibilities for the doctors and hospitals... I risked my future, my money and my life. They risked nothing and generated a huge profit.  Financially, physically, emotionally the surgeries last year were the hardest thing I have ever done, and I cannot begin to entertain the thought of going through that or anything like it again. I stopped it before the hope and fear have a chance of enticing me into gambling my entire future, economically and emotionally again. Yes it is scary and uncomfortable and way outside my comfort zone!
"Fumbling Towards Ecstasy"  Sarah McLachlan 

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