life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Sunday, August 7, 2016

If that ends...

Every, every, every time I go into the studio, every time before an opening, every time before beginning a new class, every time I show my own work to anyone for the first time. I am petrified!

When I confess this to others they are surprised, they seem to think I am full of confidence, when the reality is, I am scared to death they are going to figure out that I have no idea what I am doing. I am a giant fraud with a smidgen of talent, or at least enough to fool most people.  Yes there are some things I do rather well, because I have done them over and over and over again, but most parts of my life and art…. I am just sliding in by the seat of my pants. What I do think I know is, the only way to real accomplishment as a person or an artist is to constantly and continually pass through that fear, panic and trepidation. If the fear ends so does my creativity.

"Me"  Paula Cole

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