life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Saturday, August 20, 2016

All I need to do....

Yesterday was a “come Jesus moment”…I have known, lived and been party to the fact that heart failure is terminal, I even had what amounted to a back room confession from a PA some time ago that my prognosis was about 6 years.  Although I wanted to know how long, when I got it, it was like waving a red flag in front of a bull, I am going to beat this!  Yesterday, 2 months short of my 6 years, and after a year of absolute hellish surgeries and long miserable recoveries, they suspect something is going bad...again.... and have scheduled ugly tests.  It was like I was socked in the gut….hard… Now all I need to figure out why “I HAVE to” keep doing this. 
"Connected"  Eric Bibb
Just a side note….Religion, Church and/or Jesus have nothing to do with this, there is no magic… but my connections to the universe, connections to life, love, friends, family, creativity and the mysteries of life and death do. Those are my connections, those are my reasons, there is my why! 

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