life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Monday, August 15, 2016

Thank you!

 Champagne Toast & Confetti
There are times that all of this is really all worth it!  But the secret is you have to make it happen for yourself!  If I had one thing I could pass down through the ages that would be it!  I do not mean for this to sound selfish or self-centered, if anything it is exactly the opposite.  Selfish is expecting others to get for you, do for you and pay attention to you….all of the time.   Doing for yourself means not needing anyone or anything. It is a concept I try to live by, but difficult to explain to others. I know I don’t do it very well. 

I do not want to expect anything from anyone. I have such problems asking for help.  I know that I am often thought of as a control freak, but there are times it is hard to explain what I need, and needing help feels like I am conceding and giving into this disease.  I do not want to need, but am learning the hard way that perhaps I do, it is difficult!

So even though I cannot ask, and sometimes appear frustrated when others step in to pick up my slack, I appreciate more than words can say the ones around me that step in and help me.  Thank you all!  You allow me to keep going, keep creating and most of all to keep celebrating my life and creativity.
"Thank You"  Alanis Morissette

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