life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

How can I know when it is real....

Some days are just really hard!  The pain can be wicked but it is the fucking fear that pushes it over the edge.  Fear has its own horrible voice, and it does not matter how “real” it is when fear and pain wrap themselves in each other… they become overwhelming! They tell me I can’t, it is too much, you are not strong enough, I am l not going make it this time…but then my over analytical mind kicks in, saying this could be nothing and I am acting like a hysterical fool.  The terror, anxiety and panic of fear are making everything…and I mean everything seem worse! How can I know what is real and what is not?

"Undun"  The Guess Who

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing this with me...I love you and a better person for knowing you. XOXO