life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Thursday, September 17, 2015

How I get through this!

Just spent the last couple of days in doctors’ offices and 4 week checkups.  Aggravated and pissed at my body for taking such a long time to recover.  Although I have been assured that I am doing well and my expectations have been totally unreasonable, this is going to take a longer time than I could have possibly imagined.  How did I miss this in the pre-op preparations?  It is my opinion that they did not tell me, or anyone else for that matter.  No one would ever agree to this if we had a clue what the recovery would be like!

Whether they did or didn’t, is irrelevant now!  I am 4 weeks in, so that means 4 weeks are behind me, and I will assume they were the worst!  There have been some major stumbling blocks, but I think I am past the really bad ones of them now.  I am now officially allowed to drive!  Woo-hoo! But warned about exposure to places with lots of people and bacteria, apparently my immune system is still quite compromised.  Can’t they just say “drive baby drive, you are free”?

In 6 more weeks (again not what I was originally told) we will begin the testing that will determine whether or not the hibernating tissue in my heart is responding and beginning to work!  It is going to be a long 6 weeks of not knowing.

This is more than I could have ever expected, it is done, and my job from here on out is to facilitate pain management and magnificent healing that is how I get through this! Laying down my regrets, I am grateful!
"A Beautiful Day"  India Arie

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