life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Monday, September 21, 2015

Alone again and fighting.


Oh boy, if you only knew how many times I wanted to and sometimes still do want to.... quit. When those times come I sit in my own puddle of tears alone and frustrated, and as much as I think I want someone to come save me I know in my heart there is nothing they can do. This is something I have to do alone. There are many expectations that I have had recently and through all of my life that I have waited patiently for someone to guide me through and they have never arrived. Do I not know how to ask, and if I did  ask I am afraid they would say no or laugh? At any rate, I just need to stand up put on my big girl panties, take care of me and not ask for or expect. Alone Again and if I want to be strong I have to do this alone and it is ok. I am fighting!

"Alone Again Naturally"  Gilbert O'Sullivan

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