life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Monday, September 21, 2015

Alone again and fighting.

Oh boy, if you only knew how many times I wanted to and sometimes still do want to.... quit. When those times come I sit in my own puddle of tears alone and frustrated, and as much as I think I want someone to come save me I know in my heart there is nothing they can do. This is something I have to do alone. There are many expectations that I have had recently and through all of my life that I have waited patiently for someone to guide me through and they have never arrived. Do I not know how to ask, and if I did  ask I am afraid they would say no or laugh? At any rate, I just need to stand up put on my big girl panties, take care of me and not ask for or expect. Alone Again and if I want to be strong I have to do this alone and it is ok. I am fighting!

"Alone Again Naturally"  Gilbert O'Sullivan

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