life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Sunday, September 27, 2015

it has not ruined me!

And I am finally beginning to believe it!  There have been weeks I was not sure and then more weeks that I begged just to have the life I had before open heart surgery back (I would take anything, other than the pain and grief I had).  And although before was not the greatest situation,  I could function without anyone knowing.  I could keep up the ruse long just long enough to fool you, but that was all I really needed to do.   The time came several months ago, it got really hard and I knew I could not keep up the lie any longer.  But today, today…. finally today, I believe I will go on, I do not know how or if it will get better than it is today, but all I need to know today is that this has not ruined me!
"We May Never Pass this Way Again"  Seals & Crofts

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