life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Sunday, September 27, 2015

it has not ruined me!

And I am finally beginning to believe it!  There have been weeks I was not sure and then more weeks that I begged just to have the life I had before open heart surgery back (I would take anything, other than the pain and grief I had).  And although before was not the greatest situation,  I could function without anyone knowing.  I could keep up the ruse long just long enough to fool you, but that was all I really needed to do.   The time came several months ago, it got really hard and I knew I could not keep up the lie any longer.  But today, today…. finally today, I believe I will go on, I do not know how or if it will get better than it is today, but all I need to know today is that this has not ruined me!
"We May Never Pass this Way Again"  Seals & Crofts

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