life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....

I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this raunchy disease. My words always help me understand that in this life there will be times that are crappy painful and unexpected but tucked in there are the amazingly wonderful, too. That is when I realized the only control I have over any of this is how I chose to experience them! I realized that I could understand, celebrate can survive even better when I could express these feelings with my own words of courage, humor, and grace. I am the Queen of my own life and the choice is mine!

I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure.

I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"



Monday, September 7, 2015


I have no idea what I am doing…..but I know clearly what I am not doing! 

The more I have dug in my heals and decided I am going to beat this, the more I seem to stay stagnant in my own recovery.  Doctors, nurses, friends and family all tell me to relax, this takes time, be patient, give myself time to heal, but I know in my heart that there is more to it than that.  I have struggled and pushed and not been able to wrap my head and my heart around what I need to do to make this happen. The harder I tried, the worse it seemed to get.

Laying awake in my bed last night, unable to sleep, I felt a shift, and I knew what I needed to do. I have got to let go of this ego centered body conscious healing. Let go of needing others to help me, when there is quite frankly nothing they can do.  I need to simply let go of all of it and connect to my spirit, my passion,  my source, trust that my heart knows what it needs to do.  Connect….one of my core desired feelings.  I have known this all along.  Connect and fearlessly trust my heart, connect to my passion and my purpose.
"Undun"  The Guess Who

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